I’m recapping epsidode 3 of the Bachelor with Nick Viall.
We pick up where we left off last week, with the girls finding out that Nick and Liz slept together at Jade and Tanner’s wedding. Oh Liz…you’re just the gift that keeps on giving.
Nick spends time with each girl at the cocktail party, hearing them out and attempting to put their minds at ease. Of course, some of the girls refuse to miss this opportunity to play victim.
Listen Lindas. A few days ago, you were posing for topless wedding photos and now you’re upset about something that happened months before the show began? Anyone who has watched Nick on The Bachelor knows that willpower is not his strong suit.
True to form, Corinne decides to take the cocktail party as an opportunity to slut it up. Wearing nothing but a trench coat, she begins squirting large quantities of Redi-Whip into Nick’s mouth. It’s just not sexy. Can we all agree that sex and dairy products do not need to mingle?
The girls in the house begin to become worried — between Nick’s lack of self-control and Miss Trench Coat & Redi Whip, things are headed down a dangerous path. Jasmine decides to head outside to break things up and Corinne flees inside and begins sobbing.
NO ONE FEELS SORRY FOR YOU, CORINNE. YOU HAVE RUINED WHIPPED CREAM FOR ALL OF US.
The rose ceremony begins and Corinne is missing. When Nick inquires as to her whereabouts, he finds out that she is upstairs sleeping. Although Corinne has a rose from the group date and is safe, it’s expected of her to be at the rose ceremony and Nick is less than pleased. Has this even happened before? If she was hoping to get back into the girl’s graces after #BestBoobHolderEver and #RediWhipGate, this is absolutely not the way to go about it.
Roses go to:
Lacey, Hailey, and Lauren head home. I actually feel bad for Hailey. She’s so much better than Corinne.
The next morning, Chris delivers a date card to the mansion. It is addressed to Danielle L, Christen, Kristina, Whitney, Taylor, Jasmine, and Corinne and reads, “Everybody!” As the girls puzzle over the meaning of “Everybody,” the song begins to play and the Backstreet Boys walk in. I’m kind of ashamed to admit that Nick Carter is looking particularly fine.
The girls get ready and hop in a mansion headed for Burbank Studios. The girls walk in to Nick and the Backstreet Boys rehearsing and Corinne wastes zero time throwing herself at Nick.
She literally threw herself at him.
Like a human slingshot.
The girls find out that they will be performing as back-up dancers for The Backstreet Boys and the winner will receive a serenade with Nick. The group beings to practice, and I gleefully watch Corinne, who awkwardly swings her bad extensions around with a confused look on her face. Fed up with “not feeling cute,” she runs to the nearest restroom and begins to sob.
Corinne confides to one of the producers that she still feels self-conscious about the Redi-Whip Incident and is now upset that she will be dancing and making a fool of herself “in front of at least five hundred people.” Oh honey…you’ve already made a fool of yourself in front of WAY more than 500 people. Trust me on this. Does she understand how televisions work?
The group gets dressed in their costumes and head on stage with the Backstreet Boys. Of course, Jasmine kills it and Corinne continues to flop around uncomfortably. The guys decide that Danielle is the winner and she steps forward to dance with Nick while the Backstreet Boys sing “I Want it That Way.” During the serenade, Nick kisses Danielle and Corinne loses her ever-loving mind. Like I’m for real waiting for her head to start spinning around Exorcist style. SO SORRY, CORINNE EXCEPT NOT.
The group heads to a bar for the cocktail portion of the date. Corinne is the first one to pull Nick aside and apologizes for sleeping through the Rose Ceremony. Nick asks if she spoke to the girls about it and she basically tells him that she doesn’t care. Of course she doesn’t.
The other girls take turns having time with Nick and it becomes apparent that Corinne has fallen asleep on the floor of another room. Why is she always sleeping? Being annoying must zap a lot of energy.
While Corinne sleeps, Nick and Danielle have time alone where they dance and make out. Oh, Corinne. You’re not getting the date rose.
A date card arrives at the mansion and it is addressed to Vanessa. It reads, “You make me feel like I am floating.”
Back on the date, Corinne wakes up and rejoins the other girls. They begin to talk about having children and Corinne remarks that she’d have to get “Raquel,” her nanny, ready for that first. Naturally the girls are shocked to find out that Corinne has a nanny for herself. When asked what Raquel does for Corinne, she basically tells them that she has a nanny so that she doesn’t have to make her own salad dressing. And suddenly I find that I hate Corinne not only for having a nanny to make her salad dressing, but also because she eats homemade salad dressing to begin with.
Paul Newman has an excellent recipe, Corinne. Us normal people would be happy to tell you all about it.
While the girls snicker about Corinne, Nick returns to the room and gives the group date rose to Danielle. Well of course he did.
The next day, Vanessa meets Nick for their date, which will be taking place on a Zero G plane, a plane designed to give you the experience of being in space.
Vanessa and Nick enter the plane and lay down. As it takes off, they become weightless, floating through the air. To be honest, the whole thing makes me slightly sick to my stomach just watching. I’d be fine with a dip in a waterfall and a champagne picnic, thanks so much.
As if she read my mind, Vanessa becomes sick, vomiting into a bag while Nick rubs her feet. I honestly didn’t know that it was possible for a man to be attractive while a woman vomits, but it totally is. And to top things off — he kisses her after she pukes. And this is the thing you guys — I want to be disgusted, but I’m oddly intrigued. Like, can I hire him the next time I have the stomach flu? I am just saying.
Back at the mansion, a date card arrives addressed to: Rachel, Alexis, Astrid, Jamie, Sarah, Brittany, and Dominique. It reads, “I”m done playing the field…”
Back on the date, Nick and Vanessa meet on a rooftop for drinks. They sit and talk about past relationships and Nick sheds a few tears. He took care of her when she threw up and now he’s tearing up during their emotional conversation — this is basically crack to women. Nick then offers her the date rose and she accepts. Obviously.
The next day the girls meet Nick at a track for their group date. The girls are met by Olympic athletes Carl Lewis, Allyson Felix, and and Michelle Carter. The athletes inform the girls that they will be competing in track and field events for Nick’s heart.
I would kind of rather die than be on this date.
The girls compete in events like the long jump and the javelin, ending with the dash to a ring, where the winner will get time in a hot tub with Nick. It’s a close race and Rachel is in the lead until she literally breaks the ring, meaning that Astrid wins the hot tub time. Nick and Astrid toast with champagne and play kissy face while Dominique cries in the background, clearly having a Marcia Moment.
The group cleans up and heads to a cute, funky restaurant for the cocktail portion of the date. Nick pulls Astrid aside first, and Dominique continues her meltdown. Rachel follows Dominque into the bathroom to give her a pep talk, which just proves that she’s a better woman than me. If one of my fellow contestants was having a meltdown, I’m pretty sure I’d hand them a cocktail and walk away to let them dig their own grave.
Dominique finally gets her head in the game and decides to interrupt Nick’s time with Rachel…only to find them in the middle of a heavy make-up session. Oh Dominique. It’s almost like the producers are conspiring to ruin you.
Dominique sits down with Nick and lets him know that she doesn’t think that her gave her a fair chance. I honestly want to be on her side, but then she starts complaining that he didn’t chase her and ask what was wrong when she “getting in her head” during the competition. She DOES realize that those were fake sports, correct?
True to form, Nick isn’t here to be called out with group date drama, and lets Dominique know that he’s sending her home.
Nick returns to the room and lets them know that Dominique went home. The women pretend to be sad, and Nick gives the group date to Rachel.
Rachel and Vanessa final two? It’s looking likely.
The next morning, Chris shows up to let the girls know that the cocktail party for the evening has been canceled. The girls will be headed straight to the Rose Ceremony with no time with Nick before.
But then Nick shows up at the mansion. And Corinne just so happens so be waiting for him in a bouncy house, where she wastes no time in straddling and making out with him. The other girls see what is going on and become understandably angry — is Nick really THAT stupid?
Well, in typical Arkansas girl fashion, Raven is having NONE OF THIS no thank you, ma’am. She pulls Nick aside and informs him that Corinne has a nanny and he’s obviously floored. “She doesn’t even know HOW TO CLEAN A SPOON,” she tells Nick.
How does a person not know how to clean a spoon, I wonder? It seems like one of those things where no explanation is required?
The other girls follow suit, basically saying, “how could you be nice and normal if you like Corinne,” without actually SAYING, “how could you be nice and normal if you like Corinne.”
Vanessa in particular is displeased. She had a great date with Nick and then sees Corinne riding him like a dime store pony in the bouncy house for everyone to see. “Are you looking for a wife, or someone to screw around with,” she asks and I’m fist bumping her in the air, screaming, “THAT’S RIGHT, GIRL! THAT’S RIGHT!!!”
And…scene. I guess we will find out whether or not Vanessa gets her way next week.
Who are your favorites to make it to the end this season? And who has your vote to go home?