And I have an axe to grind.
I’ve just always wanted to use that phrase. And now I have. Thanks.
I want to talk to you about something. Something awful. Something I just can’t stand.
I can’t stand when someone starts off a sentence with “No offense, but…”.
That whole phrase should totally be outlawed. Along with “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…” or “I don’t mean anything by this, but…”.
To say that those phrases are pet peeves of mine would just not do it justice. I despise them. I have seriously considered petitioning Congress to pass a law outlawing those phrases. They are ridiculous, really.
This is what I hear when a sentence starts out “No offense, but…”: “I’m about to say something totally rude, but because I am stating this disclaimer beforehand, you are not permitted to take any action against me.”
Now, I am all about constructive criticism. Okay, not really..I hate criticism, constructive or otherwise. Don’t we all? But–for the sake of appearing to be a reasonable human being, I pretend to accept constructive criticism.
However…..there is nothing constructive about “No offense but…”. For those of you who are lucky enough to have never been” No offense but-ted”, let me tell you that the words that follow are never constructive.
For example :”No offense, but maybe you should wear blue next time. Purple just doesn’t do your complexion justice.”–this never happens.
More accurate: “No offense, but what were you thinking buying a purple dress? Seriously, it looks like crap on you.”–this is definitely a more accurate example of what follows a “No offense, but” sentence.
For those of you wondering…no….I do not actually own a purple dress. Really, give me some credit here.
I realize that none of you reading this would ever actually use such an offensive phrase. You are all kind, thoughtful people and I appreciate that. So, I would like to give you some instruction on what you should do the next time you are faced with a “No offense, but…” situation.
Calmly interrupt the person who has just “No offense but-ted” you in midsentence. Then, speak some unspeakable truth about them that you have been holding in for some time. Maybe, “I thought you should know that you’ve always had really bad breath,” or “The last time you gave me cookies, they were so gross I threw them in the garbage and lied to you that the kids loved them,”. And then…just walk away.
It sounds a bit harsh. I know. But, we’ve gotta do what we’ve gotta do to show these “No offense but-ters,” who’s boss.
I give you my permission.
On to something I LOVE….Oatmeal Cookies. I rarely make Oatmeal Cookies because the rest of my family is not crazy about them. The other day I got a real craving for them though, so I threw caution to the wind and made them just for me. I found this recipe in Sweets: Soul Food Desserts and Memories, and it appealed to me because it did not call for raisins, and I didn’t have any at the time. As are all of the desserts I have tried from Sweets so far, they were easy to prepare and delicious. My husband said they were the best oatmeal cookies he’d ever tried.
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
1 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
1 cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
2 cups all purpose flour
2 cups rolled oats
1 cup walnuts or pecans, chopped
Preheat the oven to 350.
In a large bowl, cream together the oil, butter, and brown and white sugars until the mixture is light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Blend in the vanilla extract, cinnamon, baking soda, and baking powder. Add the flour, rolled oats, and nuts. Mix until the ingredients are well blended. Drop the dough by the teaspoonful on ungreased cookie sheets. Bake for 10-12 minutes, or until the cookies are golden brown. Remove the cookies from the oven and allow to cool on the cookie sheet for 5 minutes before transferring them to a wire rack to cool completely.
Makes 3 dozen cookies.
These cookies not only taste good, they make your house smell delicious too!!