I’m spilling all the details about episode 6 in my Bachelorette Recap!
Basically, he just thinks she’s a whore all around. It’s probably best that they don’t get married, don’t you think?
Also, he complained that then men make fart and poop jokes, which made him question how serious the process really was. Obviously he’s never been married or he’d know that poop and fart jokes are indeed part of the territory.
Kaitlyn sat there staring at him like she wanted to throat punch his neck beard right off. Then Ian went home in a cloud of pompous indignation.
Oh, Ian…maybe one day you’ll meet your lady love. And you guys can get married and enjoy romantic evenings sipping expensive alcohol that no one can pronounce and reading the encyclopedia to each other. Good luck with that, neck beard.
As soon as he got in the limo, he started his campaign to become the next Bachelor. Can I just be the first to vote a big fat NO on that?
Just no. No no no.
As soon as Ian left, the other men were besides themselves worrying over Kaitlyn. Good grief, you’d think she’d just survived a drive-by shooting, not been mildly insulted by a self absorbed wanna-be intellect. I think she’s okay, boys. Simmer down.
Nick wasted no time coming to Kaitlyn’s rescue and big surprise, consoling her meant making out all over the couch. Shawn (Ryan Gosling) happened upon the scene and had to immediately go vomit in a nearby plant.
Okay so he might not have actually vomited in the plant, but I like to think that he at least vomited in his mouth a little bit.
Finally it was time for the rose ceremony.
Roses went to:
Joshua and Justin went home.
Chris Harrison then announces that they group is headed to Dublin, Ireland and they all cheer. Except for Joshua who has his bad haircut and is going home sad.
The group arrives in Dublin. And Kaitlyn wastes no time in taking Nick on the first one-on-one date. As they head out the door, Shawn manages to look equal parts devastated and furious. Which as it turns out, is a very sexy combination.
Kaitlyn and Nick wander around the city. Although how Nick manages to walk in those tight jeans is beyond me. WHERE does he buy his clothes? Chico? Forever 21? Does he just raid the closets of his ex-girlfriends?
The two of them basically spent the day making out nonstop. Then they stopped at a pub to drink and I was thinking oh yes, good idea. Raging hormones, alcohol, and television cameras. Nothing at all to worry about here.
Back at the hotel, a group date card arrived addressed to: Tanner, Ben Z., Shaun, Jared, Ben H. and Chris. Which means that JJ and Joe will be on a 2-on-1 date.
Continuing their date into the evening, Nick and Kaitlyn kept the smooch train running. There was lots of weird muffled whispering that sounded like it might be erotic, if I could only understand what they were saying.
And then…Kaitlyn invited Nick back to her hotel room. And they shut the door on the cameras.
Buuuuuutttt…she left her mic on. And it quickly became apparent what was happening behind that closed door.
Well, Nick. You are officially two for two. Well played, sir. Well played.
The next morning Nick smugly headed back to the men’s suite. As Kaitlyn watched him go, she remembered that minor detail of all the other guys she is dating who might be hurt by her actions.
Oh yeah. That whole thing that the show is about.
Then Kaitlyn started crying and worrying that Nick might tell the other men, which made me wonder why they hadn’t already discussed that? I mean, he was with her all night. At some point why didn’t she give him a wink and say hey, don’t tell the boys about how we stayed up all night playing Monopoly, mmmkay?
Is that so hard? Gosh, Kaitlyn. Also, I’m pretty sure he put multiple Hotels on your Boardwalk. Just saying.
Later that afternoon, it’s time for the group date. The men find out they will be celebrating Kaitlyn’s pretend death at an Irish wake. Which I am pretty sure was just an excuse for her to lay down and recover from her Monopoly marathon with Nick the night before.
The men stood around her coffin, drinking and talking about her being pretend dead. It was really a very lame date, but Shawn told a great Nick joke that made me smile.
Everything Shawn does makes me smile. Like breathing, having hands, existing as a human…
Later that evening they finished their date with drinks at the Guinness Storehouse.
Kaitlyn spent time alone with each of the men. Ben Z was sweet and opened up to her, Jared kissed her a bunch, and Shawn showed her a bunch of photos of her family, which was so sweet.
The group date rose went to Jared. Because apparently Ryan Gosling and his abs and his accent and his adorable family photos ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER.
Because Jared got the date rose, Kaitlyn whisked him away to a private concert given by the Cranberries. Because unlike I had previously thought, apparently they didn’t disappear in the same black hole as Winona Ryder and cameo chokers.
After seeing Jared and Kaitlyn head out, Shawn took off angrily. We then see him behind the scenes venting to someone who I guess was a member of the crew, telling him that he loves Kaitlyn. He then told the guy that Kaitlyn came to his room one night and sat up talking to him for hours and told him that he was, “the one”.
Shawn, confused at to why Kaitlyn is leading him on, was in tears. Honestly, I think he needed me to come console him. I’m sorry Shawn. I’m sorry.
Shawn then headed to the hotel and went to see Kaitlyn in her room and confront her. And…scene.
To be continued. AGAIN!