And if I go another day without addressing the women that are the Real Housewives of New York, I’m gonna lose it. I just can’t hold it in any longer.
If you don’t watch Housewives, I’m sorry if I’m making you feel left out. But honestly, I watch every week and I’m still confused. For instance, when did LuAnn become a singer? Not only a singer, but judging by the way she breaks it down between the choruses, I’m thinking that she is contemplating a career as a rapper. Could it be that there is a future collaboration with Ke$ha in the works? Now that would be worth listening to.
It has also become painfully obvious that Jill is a friend cheater. And yes,friend cheater is a real thing. She has like, a different best friend every other month. Currently, her loyalties are divided between LuAnn (the rapping Countess) and Kelly (the abusive crazy lady). If she has even a bit of sense, she will realize that she needs to get out from the middle of that crazy sandwich.
Speaking of crazy, I know I’m not the only one who went a little crazy watching Kelly last night. “You’re a cook, not a chef… whatever, I don’t care….you’re a vampire…. she wants to kill me… who wants a lollipop…” never in my life did I dream that I would so desperately long for a quiet evening alone with Alex and Simon. I’ve come to the conclusion that Jill has planted a tiny microchip in Kelly so that she can finally have a friend that is totally under her control. Obviously, the microchip must have gotten wet on the boat and caused a serious meltdown. That’s the only theory that makes sense to me, anyways. Surely no one is that naturally that crazy.
The last two episodes have left me so emotionally drained that I’m not sure if I’m even going to make it to the end of the season. For an hour I just sit and scream at the television, “You’re rich, you live in New York, why aren’t you shopping?! Why aren’t you just being fabulous?! What’s wrong with you??!!!”. Another episode is liable to send me right over Kellytown, and I do not want to be a resident of that place. I hear the Mayor is nuts.
In fact, I am so sick of nuts that I decided to omit them from the Mississippi Mud cake I made yesterday (yes, what you just saw was my lame attempt at a transition. But you have to admit, I made a valiant effort). I substituted mini M&M’s because I love the color they add to the cake and they really make it a little more kid friendly.
1 cup mini M&M’s or chopped pecans
1 cup butter
4 oz semi sweet baking chocolate, chopped
2 cups sugar
1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
4 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 (10.5 oz) bag mini marshmallows
1/2 cup butter
1/3 cup milk
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
4 cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
Preheat oven to 350.
Microwave 1 cup butter and baking chocolate in a large microwave safe glass bowl until melted, stirring every 30 seconds. Whisk sugar and next 5 ingredients into chocolate mixture. Pour batter into a greased 15×10 inch jelly roll pan.
Bake at 350 for 20 minutes. Remove from oven and sprinkle with an even layer of mini marshmallows; return to oven for a couple of minutes, until marshmallows puff slightly. Remove from oven and prepare frosting.
Frosting: Melt butter in a saucepan over medium heat. Whisk in milk and cocoa, and bring mixture to a boil. Remove from heat and gradually stir in powdered sugar, stirring until smooth. Stir in vanilla.
Immediately drizzle cake with warm frosting. Sprinkle with M&M’s, nuts, or both.
If you’ll excuse me, I’m off to see how many Kellys it takes to open a yacht door. And then I’ll rewind and watch it again. Isn’t TIVO great?
There are two types of moms in the world: the moms whose kids scream and cry for toys and candy at Walmart and the moms who see the screaming kids and then look at their own kids quietly sitting in the cart and say “if you ever do that, you don’t even want to know what I will do to you, so help me”.
My kid is not a Walmart screamer, thank goodness, but rest assured that I’m not judging you if your kid is. There is a very good reason that my son doesn’t scream, cry, or beg at the store and it has nothing to do with an organic diet, strict discipline, or advice from a child psychologist.
This is how a trip to the store starts out:
My Son: “Mom, I’ll be really good in Walmart if you’ll promise to let me pick out a toy or an Xbox game”.
Seems harmless enough, but I have learned that this is basically just a thinly veiled threat. What he means is “Buy me a toy or you’ll really regret it”. I know that how I respond is of the utmost importance. A no, and he will pitch a fit. A yes, and I have officially handed all control over to my child. So…this is what follows:
Me: “No, but I’ll tell ya what. If you be good in Walmart, tomorrow when I drop you off at karate lessons I won’t tell your friends about how you pooped your pants and then ran around the house in a pink dress”.
My son: “Mom, that never happened,”
Me: “Yeah…says you….but trust me, my story is much better, so they will believe it. Kids love to laugh at poopy pants stories,”
My son: “But mom, that’s lying…”
Me: “Okay, but at least lying isn’t illegal, unlike blackmail, which is what you were trying to do to me. People get arrested for that, you know.”
My son: “But I didn’t know it was blackmail and besides, you did it back.”
Me: “Oh, that was self defense, it doesn’t count, sorry. Any decent lawyer would get me off the hook with that one. And I have a witness because I’m pretty sure the Greeter Lady heard you try to blackmail me first.”
My son: “Okay mom, listen. I’ll be good in Walmart, just don’t lie to my friends or call the cops on me…please mom, I mean it. “
My son is well behaved at the store because he doesn’t want to be a social outcast or go to prison. And listen, I already said I don’t judge you for your screaming kid, so don’t get all judgey on me right now either. It works, and at the same time teaches my kid a bit about our justice system.
Another win/win are these mini cheesecakes. Cheesecake batter is poured right into muffin cups, so there is no crust making or springform pan required. And because my son hates anything cheesecake…that means more for me.
From Juniors Cheesecakes
Two 8 oz packages cream cheese, at room temperature (use only full fat) 2/3 cup sugar 2 tablespoons cornstarch 1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract 2 large eggs 1/2 cup heavy or whipping cream 1 1/2/ tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
Preheat oven to 350. Line 12 standard muffin cups with silicone, foil, parchment, or paper liners.
Put one package of cream cheese, 1/3 cup of the sugar, and the cornstarch in a large bowl. Beat with an electric mixer on low until creamy, about 3 minutes, scraping down the bowl a few times. Blend in the remaining package of cream cheese. Increase the mixer speed to medium and beat in remaining 1/3 cup sugar and the vanilla. Blend in the eggs, one at a time, beating well after adding each one. Beat in the cream just until it’s completely blended. Be careful not to overmix. Transfer 3/4 cup of the batter to a small bowl and stir in the cocoa.
Divide the white batter among the 12 muffin cups. Drop a heaping teaspoon of the chocolate batter in the center of each, pushing it down slightly. Using a small knife, cut through the batter just until dark swirls appear.
Place the muffin tin in a large shallow pan and add hot water until it comes up about 1 inch up the sides of the tin. Bake the cakes until set and slightly puffy, about 45 minutes. Remove the cakes from the water bath, transfer the tin to a wire rack, and let cool for 2 hours. Cover the cakes with plastic wrap (don’t remove them from tin) and put in the freezer until cold, at least an hour.
To remove the cakes, lift them out with your hands and then peel off the liners.
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