Dear Miss Middleton:
So…your big wedding day is almost here.
And I just so happened to find out that you and I share a birthday.
Not bloody likely (wait–do English people say that or is that another country?).
Anyways, considering that I’m the Cookbook Queen AND I share a birthday with the future Queen of England, I am pretty sure that I should have a say in the wedding preparations.
I mean…if things don’t go properly, it reflects badly on me as a woman who shares your Queenish-ness.
So…listen, Kate (can I call you Kate?)–I think you need more sparkle. I realize the whole “simple and sophisticated every woman” thing may be appealing to SOME but you’re a princess now for goodness sake.
Forget the plain blue dress and sensible heels–where’s your red cape trimmed in fur (faux, of course)?
What about your jeweled tiara?
What about your army of servants and your horse drawn carriage? I mean…I always see you just getting out of normal cars.
It’s quite obvious that you’re not really taking full advantage of this whole royalty thing.
Please tell me that you at least have one of those people who tries your food before you eat to make sure it isn’t poisoned?
Seriously, you need to get this princess situation under control. I mean, I live in Arkansas with cows across the street and possums in my yard and even I know that all members of royalty need a food taster person.
You can call me or whatever if you want princess advice. I accept gold, jewels, and fancy tea sets as payment.
Good luck on your big day. Eat an extra scone for me.
P.S. How do you feel about Camilla? I’m just not a huge fan but I don’t know, maybe she’s alright in real life.
P.P.S. When I said “eat an extra scone for me,” I meant AFTER the wedding. Obvi.
In honor of the big wedding, I decided to make some sparkly mini cupcakes worthy of a princess and they were SUPER duper easy. To make the jewels, all you need is some Jolly Ranchers and a jewel shaped hard candy mold.
Place the Jolly Ranchers in a Ziploc bag and crush into very small pieces. Spray your candy mold with nonstick spray and fill each mold with crushed candy. Microwave for about 40 seconds, just until candy is melted into the mold. Allow to cool and then pop out of mold.
**DO NOT let the mold stay in the microwave for too long or the mold will start to melt. Keep a close eye on the candy and remove it as soon as it’s melted.**
I piped the frosting on the mini cupcakes with an open star piping tip, sprinkled on some Disco Dust for extra bling, and used silver dragees to give the jewel a setting.
These will definitely add some much needed sparkle to any princess party.
Have a happy Thursday!!