You know you’ve gotten older when the state fair starts to look less and less like fun and more and more like a stinky, sweaty, overpriced, death trap.

I am really pretty embarrassed to admit that I ever even liked going to the fair at all. These days, I dread it. 

I dread those rickety carnival rides that look to be one loose screw away from a major catastrophe. I’m not even going to start in on the people actually running the rides. The people that essentially have lives in their very hands.


I dread those game vendors and their stupid stuffed animals. Stuffed animals?? At least give away video games or something my kid would actually use. Heck, a free Coke even. Because I can’t afford the ones the concession people are selling.

And another thing: heat…and farm animals….is a bad combination. For the people who are trying to breathe anyways. Which I am. It’s sorta necessary in order to stay alive.


But the worst thing…the very worst thing of all…is the amount of money we have to pay in order to experience these joys. 

That’s what parents do, though. We pay way too much for things we hate. We stand in the heat. We buy drinks in huge ridiculous plastic cups. We carry giant stuffed frogs around while we sweat.

What’s wrong with us??? 

No, seriously. 

What is wrong with us. 

Here’s an idea. Next time the fair rolls around and the kids start in on their begging, give them a cotton candy cupcake and send them outside in the heat with a hundred bucks. Heck, I’ve even got a field full of cows across the street if you want some manure to make it more authentic. After they get good and hot, proceed to go outside and scream at them to throw their money away.


Ok, that might make our kids hate us. But it would be a pretty authentic fair experience, yes? 

How’s this instead: Make them a big batch of cotton candy cupcakes and beg them to let you take them to a nice air conditioned store and buy them a toy.


Win/Win.


This whole plan might have a better chance at success if I actually gave you the cupcake recipe. Here it is:

Adapted from: Hello, Cupcake

INGREDIENTS

1 box (18.25 oz) Duncan Hines French Vanilla cake mix
1 cup buttermilk (in place of water called for on box) 
Vegetable oil (amount called for on box)
4 large eggs (in place of number called for on box)
About 1/4 teaspoon cotton candy flavoring 
Pink/Blue food coloring or gel color
Cotton Candy Crunch Topping

Preheat oven to 350. Line 24 muffin cups with paper liners. (I used these from Bake It Pretty–they are a bit larger and you will only get about 12 if you use them instead) 

Put the first 5 ingredients in a large bowl and beat with an electric mixer until moistened, about 30 seconds. Increase the speed to high and beat until thick, about 2 minutes longer.


Divide the batter evenly between two bowls and color one half blue and the other half pink. Spoon pink and blue batter alternately into liners until a little over half full.


It should look something like this:

Place cupcakes in the oven and bake until tops spring back when lightly touched. Remove cupcakes from baking pans and allow to cool completely on a wire rack.


You can use your favorite frosting for these, but if you’d like to use mine:


2 sticks butter, softened to room temperature
About 3 tablespoons milk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
4 cups powdered sugar
A few tablespoons corn syrup


Beat butter, milk, and vanilla on medium speed until well blended. Scrape down sides of mixer and add powdered sugar. Beat on low until blended, then increase speed to medium high and beat for about a minute. Check frosting consistency and add enough corn syrup to make it easy to spread. Beat about 2 more minutes, or until well combined and very fluffy.


Frost cooled cupcakes and top with Cotton Candy Crunch.

Here’s to smart parents.

Happy Thursday!!

 

It’s Wednesday.


And yesterday, I made some brownies. And they were really awesome. Life changing, if you want to know the truth.  

I know what you’re thinking, because I’m totally there with you. “When aren’t brownies life changing??”


And you’re right, you know? That’s why we get along so well.


But these brownies…they were a little different. I melted the chocolate and butter…beat the eggs and sugar….mixed everything together…added my chopped Reese’s Cups…..


Oh yeah, that. I added Reese’s Cups. No big deal, just pairing two of the worlds most awesome treats EVER. Who cares.


Anyways, I took them out of the oven..inhaled their chocolatey scent….cut one….bit in….and that’s when it happened. I realized something. 


And I immediately sat down and wrote a letter. Allow me to read it to you. 


AHEM.


To The Person That Coined The Phrase “Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels”:


Let me start off by saying that I am feeling seriously betrayed right now. Like, even worse than when Milli Vanilli got caught lip syncing and worse than when Kelly and Dylan on 90210 cheated while Brenda was in Paris. Even though, if we are being honest here, Kelly was a way better match for him.


I cannot tell you how many times I have repeated your saying to myself in times of junk food weakness. How many times it has given me strength when I’ve been temped by donuts with sprinkles and the like. Only to find out that it’s lies. ALL LIES!!!!


For I have found that there IS something that tastes as good as skinny feels. BETTER, even. And it’s called Superfudge Brownies with Peanut Butter Cups.


So, remember this day you Saying Maker person. For it is the day that you have been exposed for the fraud that you are. Why don’t you do me a favor and go find the people who invented “That’s the way the cookie crumbles” and “”You either love me, or you hate me..there is no in between”. The three of you and your crappy saying inventions really deserve each other.


Good day to you sir…or madam. I have brownies to eat.

Now all I have to do is find out the person responsible for this stupid saying so I can send them this letter. I’ve got it narrowed down to Jillian Michaels from The Biggest Loser, or Donald Trump. I realize the Donald isn’t a weight loss guru, but I just like to blame him for all the jerky things of the world. So, my gut is telling me go with Donald. Jillian might beat me up, and I don’t bake well with a black eye.


From: Ben and Jerry’s Homemade Ice Cream and Dessert Book

INGREDIENTS

4 oz unsweetened chocolate
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter
4 large eggs, at room temperature
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup all purpose flour
20 miniature Reese’s Cups, halved

Preheat oven to 350. Butter and lightly flour a 13×9 inch baking pan.

Melt the chocolate and butter in the top of a double boiler over simmering water. Let cool in the pan to room temperature. If you’re in a hurry, you can quickly cool it in the refrigerator, but be sure it doesn’t get solid again.

Beat the eggs and salt in a mixing bowl until very fluffy. Gradually beat in the sugar and vanilla. Fold in the cooled chocolate mixture. Add the flour and fold until just blended. (It is important to fold in the chocolate and flour gently to keep the batter as fluffy as possible.) Arrange the peanut butter cups evenly on top of the batter. Lightly press the cups into the batter. 

Bake for 25 to 30 minutes. Let allow completely before cutting. 

Bake these brownies….you deserve them!!

Happy Wednesday!!