I used to really love the fact that every year after Halloween, I could use Santa as leverage to get my kid to do whatever I said.
But over the years, the fear of Santa has waned because is he REALLY going to leave coal and reindeer poop as presents because Jon David didn’t brush his teeth the FIRST TWO TIMES I asked?
NO. That would be cruel.
So out of desperation, I’ve started doing something I swore (pre child) that I would never EVER do.
I’m a counter.
For years I resisted.
It’s annoying. It doesn’t work. It’s so dorky and cliche and really omg I am NOT one of those.
But then one night, as I was getting Jon David ready for bed, this happened:
“Jon David, it’s time to take a shower and brush your teeth”
“Jon David you were supposed to get in the shower 5 minutes ago, what are you doing?”
“Jon David, yes I see that you can make a pretend knife out of a dollar but what does that have to do with the fact that you AREN’T IN THE SHOWER YET?!?!?!?!”
“Jon David you just ate dinner what do you mean can you have a Lunchable?!”
“Jonathan David ROLAND the water has been running for EIGHTMINUTESOMGGETINTHESHOWER do I have to put you in myself?!?!?”
“What do you mean you’re trying to find clean pajamas I set them on the bathroom counter GO GET IN”
And then, out of desperation…I yelled “FFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!”
And something miraculous happened.
Jon David stopped what he was doing and looked up, panic in his eyes.
So I continued.
He was in the shower before I got to “three”.
Why haven’t I been doing this the whole time? It’s like magic!! Any time I want something done, I just start yelling numbers and it’s done!! Immediately!!
Now if we’re being honest, I don’t know exactly what I’d do if I got down to one. But because of the Magical Number Yelling Time Warp, I will never have to worry because it works instantly.
I’m sort of wondering if it works on husbands. Like maybe I could stand next to the wet towel my husband lays on the chair in our bedroom (INSTEADOFHANGINGITUP INSTEADOFHANGINGITUP INSTEADOFHANGINGITUP!!!) and just start yelling FIVE!! really loudly and importantly?
Or maybe when I’m in line at the store and the lady in front of me is looking at gum and magazines instead of putting her cartload of stuff on the conveyor belt?
I think this whole magic number yelling thing is better than a taser!!
Not that I’ve ever wanted to use a taser on someone at the grocery store. Of COURSE not!! (unless maybe sometimes you want to too? OMG I knooooowww, let’s talk about it)
Another thing that helps deal with the chaos of motherhood? Chocolates with alcohol in them.
It’s a true fact.
A year or two ago, someone told me that they always bought cheap boxes of chocolate covered cherries, poked a hole in the bottom to drain the liquid, injected alcohol in, and sealed it back up with melted chocolate.
For some reason, I remembered this a couple weeks ago in a dream and became obsessed. But I couldn’t remember who it was that told me, other than the fact that it was a real life person (as opposed to a computer person). So I Googled it, and couldn’t find a method/recipe anywhere.
I did find tons of chocolate covered cherry recipes, some which required the cherries to be soaked in alcohol for a week prior to dipping in chocolate. But who has that kind of time when we’re talking chocolate and alcohol? Not me, that’s for sure.
So I decided to wing it and give it a whirl.
Chocolate Covered Cherries (you can usually find these anywhere at Christmas for about a dollar a box)
Amaretto (Rum would be good too or maybe even vodka…I just thought Amaretto was a good match for the cherry flavor)
Some kind of needle or liquid medicine plunger for injecting the alcohol (my husband bought me a few needles at the farm supply store)
Chocolate Almond Bark
Start by draining your cherries. Unfortunately, I wasn’t thinking and bought cherries with a thicker creme center instead of liquid, so I had to poke a larger hole to drain. So save yourself time and buy cherries with a liquid center if at all possible. Poke a hole in the bottom and place on a rack set over a piece of foil to drain.
Once most of the liquid is drained, inject some amaretto in the candy. It doesn’t take much, a large shot or two small shots is enough to do a box of cherries. Don’t fill it to full or it will be hard to cover the hole with chocolate.
Holding the chocolate upside down so the amaretto doesn’t drain out, dab a bit of melted almond bark over the hole. Set on your rack upside down to set.
If you want to really make these pop, you could also drizzle some melted red or green candy melts on tops of the candy after the bottoms have set.
That’s it!! A really easy and inexpensive candy that would be great to give as a gift.
Or you could keep them for yourself. Which is what I’m doing.
Have a happy Tuesday!!