Dear Inventors of Foursquare and Other “Check In” Apps:
I think I must be missing something. Because I don’t get what this deal is lately where everyone has to know where everyone is all the time.
I mean….it just doesn’t sound very safe.
Uh….yeah, sure….I’m just DYING to let the whole land know where I am so crazy murdering people know just where to find me.
Plus, hello, I pay for all these things like caller ID and texting so I can AVOID people, not let them all know I’m at Starbucks, in case they wanna drop by and say hi and oh by the way do you have any of those cupcakes leftover that were on your blog the other day?
No. Thank. You.
And if I’m announcing where I am all the time, how am I going to keep up with all of my lies?
You know, the “sorry I didn’t answer your texts last night, I fell asleep on the couch at like 8 o’clock” lie.
The “I’m so disappointed we didn’t make it to your kid’s 3rd birthday party but we had a last minute family emergency” lie.
Which, btw–family emergency pretty much covers all bases and could mean anything from someone being in the hospital, you and your husband having a mad crazy fight, or your water being shut off because you forgot to pay the bill (Which I may have done but in my defense, it’s only happened ONCE), so people usually feel too uncomfortable to inquire further.
Anyways, if I’m checking in all over town, people will know that I’m a big fat anti-social liar. IF I haven’t already been murdered.
And, it’s annoying.
I mean really. Did you know that people check into their couches and stuff?
It’s all over Facebook.
Also, I have seen people check into their beds and I’m not sure why, but that just disturbs me on a whole other level.
I suppose I could unfriend all these people, but if I only had friends who did un-annoying things, who would I judge? I’m antisocial, addicted to children’s snack foods, and I wear glitter during daytime hours. If I don’t surround myself with just a few crazies, I’m liable to dislike myself.
So yeah…anyways. I was thinking that instead of your idea where we check in and all that, you could change it to where it tells lies. Like maybe when I’m shopping for stuff I don’t need it could say “Kristan checked into home, where she is clipping coupons” or when I’m stopping for a Cinnabon it could say “Kristan checked into the Health Food Store for healthy food and vitamins”.
I won’t even charge you for that idea. You can have it.
Well…I mean, I might charge you a little.
Anyways, that’s it. Think it over.
Your slightly annoyed unchecker inner,
My BFF and I have been obsessing over Brach’s Neapolitan Coconut Sundae candies for the past few weeks. Where did they go? Don’t all the stores know that they are delicious? Nowhere local sells them, and you can buy them online but they want you to order a giant box of them.
Which, I could probably eat, but I’m not sure I SHOULD.
So…I decided to solve the issue in my normal way. By making them into cupcakes.
I found the candy recipe on Martha Stewart and they’re actually very quick and easy, but you could totally do away with that step and just do the cupcakes.
(click here for printable recipe)
Candy: (candy adapted from Martha Stewart)
6 oz white chocolate, chopped
1/2 (14 oz) can sweetened condensed milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract or vanilla bean paste
1 1/2 tablespoons butter
1 1/3 cup sweetened shredded coconut
1 heaping tablespoon milk chocolate chips
1/8 teaspoon strawberry extract.
Pink gel color
Line a small loaf pan (roughly 4×8) with plastic wrap. Combine sweetened condensed milk, white chocolate, vanilla and butter in a small saucepan over medium heat. Cook and stir until smooth. Remove from heat and add coconut.
Divide mixture evenly into 3 bowls. Add chocolate chips to one bowl and stir until smooth. Add strawberry extract and pink coloring to another, and leave the other bowl plain.
Spread chocolate mixture in the bottom of the pan. Spoon white candy over the top and spread carefully. Repeat with the pink candy. Refrigerate or freeze until firm. Remove plastic wrap and cut crosswise into thin pieces. Cut each strip into three.
For the cupcakes, I made both strawberry and chocolate cake batter, using Tidy Mom’s modified cake mix recipe. It’s nice and thick, so it was easy to spoon the chocolate and strawberry side by side in the liners. If the flavors overlap, it’s fine. The batter is thick enough that they won’t run together.
Of course, because I made two different batters, there was enough to make 48 cupcakes. You can make all the cupcakes, or do like I did and freeze half the batter in Ziploc bags for a later use. You could also make these using only one flavor of cake.
Cupcakes: (from Tidy Mom)
1 box Duncan Hines Cake Mix (I made one batch with Devil’s Food and one batch with Strawberry)
1 stick of butter, melted
1 cup water
Preheat oven to 350. Line muffin cups with paper liners. Pour each cake mix in a separate bowl and add a stick of melted butter, 3 eggs, and a cup of water to each bowl. Mix on low for one minute. Scrape the bowl and mix on medium for another minute. Spoon a heaping spoonful of each batter into the liners, side by side. Liners should be at least half full.
Bake for about 20 minutes or until cupcakes spring back when lightly touched. Cool completely on cooling racks.
4 sticks of salted butter, softened
1/2 cup heavy whipping cream
7 cups powdered sugar
2 cups sweetened shredded coconut
2 oz semisweet chocolate, chopped and melted
1/2 teaspoon strawberry extract
Pink gel color
In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat butter and cream until well combined. Add powdered sugar and beat on medium low until mixed. Add coconut and beat on medium high for about 1 1/2 minutes, until light and fluffy.
Divide frosting into 3 bowls. Add melted chocolate to one, and strawberry extract and pink color to another. Leave the third plain. Top cupcakes with a generous amount of frosting and top with candy.
I know this looks like a lot of directions, but I promise they aren’t hard at all. Besides, making cool stuff takes a tiny bit of effort sometimes.
If it didn’t, EVERYONE would do it.
Also, the frosting is amazing. If you don’t do anything else, make the darn frosting. Please.
I hope you have a fabulous day!! Thank you so much for stopping by!!