Apple crisp meets creamy custard in these Apple Custard Crumble Bars! The creamy custard is the perfect pairing with tart apples and buttery oatmeal crumble.
I have decided that I have major issues.
The other day a box arrived from UPS. Obviously I didn’t open the door until the UPS guy had driven out of sight of my home (does ANYONE actually meet him at the door and speak words? Is that a thing?), and upon opening the box, saw that it was a Halloween costume for a small boy. Definitely not something that I had ordered.
I went back and checked the address on the box and sure enough, it was not addressed to me, but a neighbor of mine. The fact that I have so many things coming in the mail at ANY given moment, that I just open boxes willy nilly without looking is not really what we are talking about here. So if you are wondering why I just tear into boxes without checking the label, let’s just move along, okay? Online shopping self control is a whole other beast that I don’t have the strength to tackle today.
Once I realized that I was in possession of an item belonging to one of my neighbors, I knew I had a serious issue on my hands. I felt the anxiety start to build. My palms would have started sweating, but I actually have a strong aversion to sweat and avoid it at all costs. Nonetheless, I was upset enough TO start sweating, if I was the type to sweat.
Because obviously, these people needed to get their costume back. Like… they needed for me to take it to them and say words to them.
I considered calling UPS and scheduling a pick up, but then of course it would require CALLING, which is weird, and also I don’t think that they pick up items and then go deliver them a few houses down on the same street? That might be too much drama for UPS.
I also thought about sending my 10 year old to take it to them, but he’s at that age where it SEEMS like he should be able to do all the things, but he always manages to make me wish I had done it myself. He would most likely end up back here with the costume still in his hands and the neighbors trailing behind him in response to his dinner invitation. I don’t even know. 10 year old boys are weird and they get confused a lot.
After all this thinking and almost sweating, I decided to take it to the neighbors the next day. Because it took a few hours to mull over all the possible scenarios and by then it was getting dark out. And also I just wanted to put it off for awhile longer because, strangers.
I put the costume back in the UPS box and just kind of folded it closed. It was obvious that it had been opened, but there was no fixing that. Then the next day, Lucy and I walked down the street, creeped up their steps, set it gently on the porch, and hauled our butts back home. Then I got home and I’m like, “seriously loser Kristan…you weren’t putting flaming dog poop on their porch, it was a HALLOWEEN COSTUME FOR PETE’S SAKE.” But for whatever reason, I felt like I was committing a crime and decided to make my toddler an accomplice. We went inside immediately in case the neighbor came outside and saw us and then knew that we were the ones who put it there.
My main regret is that I didn’t throw a couple of candy bars in the box. Just because. If you get an opportunity to give a stranger a candy bar, you always should. Unless that stranger is a small child, in which case, don’t because you could get in trouble. Unless it’s Halloween.
Wait. This is confusing. You know what I mean.
Speaking of Halloween, do you think they’ll come trick or treat over here with their kid in the costume? Because that wouldn’t be at all awkward. I’m going to go hide now.
But not before I share this amazing dessert! Seriously, you guys — these bars are one of the best things ever ever. If you’ve ever had an apple crisp with ice cream that melted all over it, that’s kind of what these bars are like. And you can eat them with your hands!!
Your life is not complete until you try them. I know I’m weird, but you can trust me on this one.
Do it do it do it.
- 2 cups all-purpose flour
- 2 cups quick cooking oats
- 1 1/2 cups packed brown sugar
- 2 teaspoons cinnamon
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- 1 1/4 cups butter, melted
- 3 medium sized Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored, and sliced very thin
- 14 oz can sweetened condensed milk
- 1 cup sour cream
- Preheat oven to 350. Line a 9x13 pan with foil and spray well with nonstick spray.
- In a large bowl, combine flour, brown sugar,cinnamon, quick oats, and baking soda. Stir in melted butter until completely mixed in. Press 3/4 of mixture into pan and bake for 10 minutes.
- In a large bowl, combine apples, sweetened condensed milk and sour cream. Spread mixture carefully over bars in pan, then crumble remaining oat mixture over the top.
- Bake for about 25 minutes or until edges are brown and custard is set in the center.
- Let bars cool to room temperature, then cover and chill thoroughly before serving.
These bars are total comfort food and SO perfect for Fall. Enjoy!