Dear Halloween Costume Inventor of the Land:
You are in big fat trouble, sir.
Seriously. You are disgusting.
Things have gotten to the point where I liken the “adult” section of the Halloween Costume Catalogs to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Only scary and sleazier (Also, I really want to talk about since when does body paint count as a bikini, SPORTS ILLUSTRATED, but that’s a whole other post).
The other day I allowed my sweet 7 year old son to peruse a Halloween catalog that came in the mail so he could pick out a costume for himself. After deciding on the Headless Horseman, he excitedly brought me the book, claiming to have found the perfect costumes for my husband and I to wear while taking him trick or treating.
It was the Naughty Navajo and Chief Big Wood.
Of course, this is a family-friendly site, so we are going to just tell ourselves that this Chief was fond of giant trees, hmmm??? But needless to say, I made my child take a bath in hand sanitizer that evening.
It was a traumatic evening for everyone involved. We all felt dirty.
Obviously, you have been led to believe that Halloween is just a thinly veiled excuse for women to dress up like booby-licious minxes.
Well guess what? I am not a minx. I am not booby-licious. I just want to look scary and give kids candy. Can I do that?? WILL YOU LET ME BE SCARY WITHOUT SHOWING CLEAVAGE PLEASE??
That’s all that I have to say.
Your Biggest UN-Fan,
These melted witches are so easy, and super cute for class parties. I even got my Martha on and made cute little bags to put them in!!
First, make your brooms and hats:
Make the hats with a Hershey Kiss and half of an Oreo. Put the filling side of the cookie down and stick the Hershey Kiss to the top with a bit of melted almond bark or candy melts.
You may remember me making these brooms for my Harry Potter Cupcakes. All you need are pretzel sticks and yellow Laffy Taffy. Flatten the taffy and cut it in half horizontally. Cut fringe into the bottom 2/3 with sharp scissors and wrap the un-fringed part around the pretzel stick.
Line a large baking sheet with wax paper. Melt some green candy melts and some dark chocolate candy melts (separately) in your microwave according to package directions. You won’t need much of the dark chocolate, just enough to do small spoonful per witch. I melted an entire bag of green, and had enough to do about 2 dozen witches, so use that to decide how much to melt.
Spoon some green candy on the wax paper and spread into a circle with your spoon. If you are going to bag these up later, keep the bag size in mind. You don’t want to make these too big to fit. Spoon a small amount of dark chocolate over the green, and swirl it with a knife.
Place one hat and one broom on each green/black melted witch. Place pan in the refrigerator to set.
I decided to be all crafty and make toppers for Ziploc Bags. I cut some cardstock to fit the width of the bag , folded it in half, and used my Cricut to cut the words “Melted Witch” and attach them. I trimmed the bottom of the cardstock with a Martha Stewart Halloween Edge Punch, attached a K&Company sticker (I bought them at Michaels…it’s called a Spook*Tacular Layered Accent) and stapled the top of the tag to the bag.
If you actually have a life and don’t have time for all that, you can either omit the bags all together, or make a simpler tag by writing the words yourself or printing tags on your computer. But I’m not very computerey, so I did it the old fashioned way. Also, I have no life, so I don’t mind sitting at my desk and glueing on words while I watch Grey’s on my iPad.
Whether your make fancy bags or not, these are simple and yummy and a lot of fun. Enjoy!!
Have a wonderful Tuesday!!