Dear spouses of stay at home parents,
I’m about to drop a truth bomb.
You’re not going to like it, but it needs to be said.
We do not, I repeat — WE DO NOT — want you “stopping by” in the middle of the day to surprise us.
Not for lunch, not with chocolates, and most certainly not “just to say hi”.
You picked me up a burger? That’s cool.
Please leave it on the porch, shoot me a quick text, and go. We’ve eaten lunch independently for years now, I think we’ll be okay.
I might sound harsh. I get it.
But there is something you need to understand.
The scene you walk in on when you arrive home around 530ish? Dinner in the oven (or some facsimile — pizza delivery on the way counts), the children with semi-clean faces and brushed hair, me wearing something that would pass as an outfit should I head to the store or bank — this is all carefully orchestrated.
There are days I don’t get a shower until 4.
Other days I refresh my deodorant, slap on some body spray and call it even.
The fancy deli meat and bread I buy for lunches? Do you really think I have time to eat that? How cute!!
Most times, if you walked in on me at lunch, I have a baby on one hip (she’s eating my hair that isn’t exactly clean, she’ll survive) and I’m scarfing chips down over the sink. Sometimes, on good days, I scrounge some leftover Spongebob mac and cheese.
(Can it just be said that that the cartoon shaped macaroni doesn’t taste as good?)
I know you see moms posting colorful lunch photos of quinoa and complicated wrap sandwiches on Instagram. I’m fairly certain those are lies and the photos come from a secret stock stash in an internet room I am not privy to.
I’m sorry you had to find out this way. I really am. There you have it.
But this works, doesn’t it?
You go do your thing, I stay here and do mine…hanging on by the skin of my teeth until an hour before you get home.
If we are being honest, the messy faces, the dirty dishes on the counter, and the piles of dirty laundry on the couch don’t count if you’re not here to see them.
I mean…if anyone would have interrupted Van Gogh mid painting, it would have looked pretty messy.
No one ever popped in to examine Einstein’s math equations midway — it wouldn’t have made sense!!
I’d like to think what I do is equal to that genius. I know you disagree.
I see it in your eyes.
But have you ever tried to hold a 20 lb squirming baby while you used the bathroom? Not for the meek, my friend. Not for the meek.
I love you. I really do. I know you mean well, surprising your sweet spouse who sits here all day pining for you.
It’s probably best you keep thinking that. So stay away.
Our marriage will thank you for it.
See you at 5 30!!
(can you pick up a bucket of chicken?)
There’s a Chinese food place near me that sells cream cheese egg rolls.
They are savory — I think there’s bits of onion mixed in the cream cheese (or maybe magic) but they are something I dream of.
So so good.
The crispy egg roll wrapper and the cream cheese filling just can’t be beat. So I decided to try a dessert version!!
These are as simple as mixing cream cheese, sugar, and vanilla, filling egg roll wrappers and baking.
Make sure you wrap them up tight to keep the cream cheese from oozing out — mine oozed out a little but they were fine. There was still plenty of filling in the egg rolls!
These are perfect for dipping in chocolate or caramel sauce. Enjoy!!
- 12 egg roll wrappers
- 2 blocks (8 oz each) cream cheese, softened
- 1 cup sugar
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- 1/4 cup granulated sugar
- 1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
- Nonstick baking spray
- Preheat oven to 425. Spray a large baking sheet with nonstick spray and set aside.
- In the bowl of your mixer, combine cream cheese, sugar, and vanilla.
- Wet the edges of an egg roll wrapper with water. Spread cream cheese mixture in the middle and fold according to egg roll wrapper directions.
- FOLD AS TIGHTLY AS YOU CAN -- SEALING THE EDGES.
- Place egg roll on prepared baking sheet. Spray with nonstick spray and sprinkle with cinnamon sugar.
- Bake for about 10 minutes or until dark golden brown. Remove from oven and let cool slightly before serving.
Have a very happy Wednesday!!