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  Do you remember back when I was making brownies and candy bars get married and have babies?   That was weird.  And slightly disturbing.   I think maybe I have issues.   I blame the fact that when I was a kid, my mom was addicted to Dallas…and...

  I spent the weekend in New Orleans with my husband.   Which sounds like tons of fun, except for the fact that since Jon David wasn’t coming, I had to leave him with his Gram.   And in case you didn’t know, I am the worst kid leaver EVER.   I keep...

  A few things:   I have the song MMMBop on my iPod.  On purpose.  I just can’t let it go.  Plus, how did Hanson suddenly get all hot nowadays?  Have you seen them?  Great.  Now I feel like a cougar.   I hate that moment when a person answers the phone and...

  My whole life, I have been a scaredy cat.   I don’t LIKE scary things and I don’t DO scary things.  Ever.   EVEEEEEEEEEERRRRRR.   Honestly, I do not see the point.  I do not need a brush with death or a burst of adrenaline to make me feel alive. ...

  Dear Halloween Costume Inventor of the Land:   You are in big fat trouble, sir.   Seriously.  You are disgusting.   Things have gotten to the point where I liken the “adult” section of the Halloween Costume Catalogs to the Sports Illustrated...

  As my son gets older, I am starting to realize that I’m outnumbered.   I live with two boys.   TWO BOYS.   And they are gross.   Also, they don’t get me.  At all.   I’m always all making sure we have snuggly throw pillows and...

One thing I have learned about being a short female in society is that people are generally not very intimidated by me. Also, they call me “honey” and “sweetie” and nicknames like that a lot, which I really don’t mind so much. It makes me feel all...

  One of my biggest pet peeves in life is indecisiveness. Of course, I’m not claiming to be perfect. I’m scared of everything, I prefer robots to human company, and I’m one of those people who orders a Diet Coke with their Big Mac. (Helloooo, I’ve got...

Remember last week when I was all, “wah wah I had a nervous breakdown and wasted a perfectly good sandwich worrying that I’m a bad mom blah blah blah”?? Well. I was still under the influence of the guilt and shame that inevitably comes with motherhood when I...

I finally saw the last Harry Potter movie the other night. I think I cried at least seventeen times while I was watching it. And then when it was over and we got home I was all wanting to talk about how special it was and how my heart was hurting but my husband was all,...

I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you, but I’m practically a world famous inventor. I’m pretty much the Benjamin Franklin of our time, except I’m a girl, and sparkly, and plus I don’t wear those awful tiny glasses or knee socks or have a bunch...

So…confession. I have never, ever, had a Cadbury Egg. It’s that runny yolk.  I just can’t handle it. I mean, I’m sure they are delicious and all, but I just have a really hard time getting past my yolk issues. Plus, that bunny in the commercial bothers me....

Dear Easter Bunny, Okay, listen. I could fill this letter with a bunch of useless information and idle chatter, but I think it’s best if I just get to the point. You sort of creep me out. And before you go getting your feelings all hurt, please know that I’m normally...

  What to do when you come home in the morning and find two men painting and doing repairs in your house unexpectedly: 1. Immediately run outside and call your husband. When he tells you that yes, the men are SUPPOSED to be there, and asks if you talked to the men before...