You guys! So much has happened!
We went on a trip to Disney as part of the Social Media Moms Celebration and decided to make a pit stop in Destin, Florida on the way. We drove, which is crazy to some people, but we have always been road trip people — we had a blast!! The beach was beautiful and our time in Disney was the absolute best. You really can’t beat Florida weather in February.
Because of our trip, I got behind on The Bachelor. I always have intentions on keeping up with work while I am traveling…and it never quite works out. So instead of trying to catch up on SIX HOURS of Bachelor drama, I decided to just pick up the recaps where I left off before vacation.
Also — how do we feel about the new Bachelorette? I absolutely LOVE it (I was so rooting for her!) but I don’t understand their decision to spoil the episode by announcing her early. Thoughts?
Let’s get started on this week’s episode:
We start in St. Thomas, with the girls practically in tears. Nick’s emotional outburst the night before upset them and they are uncertain as to what it means for their future. Sending Danielle home has him shook — but really, should it? We all knew that match wasn’t going to happen. Homeboy is way too complicated to commit to someone who has the emotional depth of a car show model.
After a brief conversation with Chris, Nick pops in to visit the remaining girls and give them some reassurance. The relief on their faces is overwhelming — whether it’s because they still have a chance with Nick, or because they get to continue the free vacation of a lifetime, who really knows.
I mean, come on. You know that some of those girls realize that they don’t stand a chance.
Nick then surprises the girls with the news that they will not be having a cocktail party/rose ceremony. Instead they will be headed to the island of Bimini. And I have to say that while I have never heard of Bimini before today, it is now my favorite place in the world.
The girls settle into their new Bimini digs and the first date card arrives. Corinne, the only girl who has not yet had a one-on-one, is hopeful. Thankfully the date card is for Vanessa, leaving Corinne to question her self-worth, all of her life choices, and her love of nanny-prepared cheese pasta.
WE DO NOT LIKE YOU CORINNE.
Vanessa meets Nick on the pier where they hop on a yacht. Which gives Corinne the perfect opportunity to sit at their house and trash talk her. As she complains about Vanessa’s lack of depth, I can’t help but wonder – does Corinne have ANY self awareness? She DOES realize that she still has a nanny to cut her cucumbers, correct?
Back on the boat, Nick and Vanessa make out and talk about feelings and jump into the ocean and do all the Bachelor-ey yacht things. Just for once, can we have a couple meet at Chili’s and maybe play a round of putt-putt after? These boat and helicopter rides are becoming dull.
The next date card is delivered to the girls at the house, and it is addressed to Corinne, Kristina, and Raven. It says: Let’s Jump In With Both Feet First. Corinne is instantly disappointed because she has her heart set on bringing Nick to her hometown to meet her nanny. Who she now also describes as her housekeeper and best friend.
I don’t know about you, but the thought of my best friend cleaning my toilets makes me feel slightly uncomfortable.
Nick and Vanessa get cleaned up and head to dinner, where Vanessa tells Nick that she’s falling in love with him. And Nick responds with a “Well, I really really like you.”
Cringe cringe cringe. All the cringing.
The next day is the group date and I couldn’t be more excited. Because while Raven was clearly invited along, this is definitely setting up to be a Corinne/Kristina showdown. The group boards a yacht and Kristina and Corinne throw elbows over who Nick will rub suntan lotion on first. The girls then learn that they will be snorkeling with sharks, which delights Raven to no end.
Never underestimate an Arkansas girl, friends. She will throat punch a shark, down a beer, and throw together a casserole before you even know what happened. And do all of it with a full face of make-up on.
While in the water, Kristina begins to have a panic attack. Nick follows her to the yacht to comfort her, leaving Corinne bobbing in shark infested waves all alone. I said a quick prayer for the yacht to leave her there, but no such luck. They all boarded the yacht and toasted champagne while Corinne fought an epic meltdown in the making.
Later that evening, the group heads out for drinks, where a date rose sits ominously in clear view of everyone. Nick pulls Kristina aside to chat while Corinne anxiously shoves chunks of cheese in her face. Raven sits down to talk to him next, and they talk about her family and her relationship with her parents. Meanwhile, I sit and pray that Corinne’s consumption of dairy has resulted in an uncontrollable gas situation. It only seems fair, after all.
Back at the house, a date card arrives addressed to Danielle M. It says: Let’s ride off into the sunset together.
Corinne finally gets her alone time with Nick, where she conveys her disappointment at not having a one-on-one date yet. He manages to placate her without really saying anything, and suddenly they are making out. Shocker. They return to the other two girls and Nick gives the group date rose to Raven, which means that she will bringing Nick to meet her family.
Nick then hugs Corinne and Kristina goodbye and takes Raven to a private concert on the beach. I say a prayer that Corinne is watching this and her head is exploding. Also, how can someone eat that much cheese and not break out?
Life really isn’t fair sometimes, you know?
The next day, Danielle M. meets Nick on the beach for their date. They hop on a couple of beach cruiser bikes and ride around the island — is riding bikes really a good date idea? I feel like at this point in my life, if I attempted to sit on a bike, my body would revolt and I’d immediately be thrown from the seat. Some things just aren’t meant to be.
After exploring the island, Nick and Danielle sit down to have a drink and chat. And you guys — it’s so bad. The discomfort on their faces is evident as they struggle to think of things to discuss. YOU TWO HAVE BEEN ON LIKE THREE DATES — IS THIS FOR REAL? For the love, surely there is a whole treasure trove of things about each other that you’ve yet to reveal. Your thoughts on the Lemonade album? The Angelina/Brad Pitt divorce? Try harder, you two!
Back at the house, a date card arrives addressed to Rachel. It says: Let’s get a taste of the local flavor.
On their date, Nick and Danielle talk over dinner. And by talk, I mean that Nick talks and Danielle whispers, because that’s how her normal voice sounds. And I already know that she won’t win that show because there is no way he’s signing up for a lifetime of THAT.
Danielle chooses this moment to tell Nick that her heart is “very open” to him and that she feels that she cares a lot about him — possibly more than she ever has for anyone else. And this is the moment where Nick gets the deer-in-headlights look on his face, and we know that Whisper McGee doesn’t stand a chance.
As a storm brews and the wind whips around them, Nick tells Danielle that he doesn’t feel the same way. And then he says, “you know…you might try speaking louder every once in awhile.”
Okay, not really. He teared up and walked her out. Bye Danielle M.
With Danielle M. gone and her own future looking uncertain, Corinne decides to sneak over and visit Nick in his room at The Hilton. He fixes them both a drink and then she begins to try to seduce him with her self-described “platinum vageen.” With their mics still on, they head to his bedroom.
Oh geez. I can’t handle this. After Hot Mic Gate with Kaitlyn, I know more than I need to know about Nick’s sexy time shenanigans.
Thankfully Nick puts a stop to the situation and sends her packing, doing the walk of shame back to the house in her platform heels and ratty extensions.
Finally it’s time for Rachel’s date. Nick picks her up from the house and they head to a local bar for a drink. And let me just say — Rachel is slaying all the livelong day. Her hair is perfection, her outfit is ON POINT, those toned arms of hers are FINE — she’s just effortlessly gorgeous but approachable at the same time.
I might have a teensy crush on her. Can I bring her to MY hometown, please?
Nick and Rachel walk around the island, do some light making out, and she heads home. The whole thing seems rather abrupt and uneventful — was that really their whole date?
As Rachel sits at home with the girls, basking in the glow of her date with Nick, Corinne slowly begins to lose her crap. Can someone get that girl a cocktail? I’m a firm believer in throwing booze at these crazy girls so we can sit back and watch the fireworks.
After a discussion with Chris, Nick decides to cancel the rose ceremony and go break up with one of the girls on his own. In tears, he heads to the house to break the bad news. As Corinne hyperventilates into her baby soft hands, Nick enters the house and asks to speak with Kristina. He leads her outside and tearfully lets her know that he’s not feeling it.
Goodbye, Kristina. Please punch Corinne on the way out. You have it in you — I know you do.
The episode ends with Kristina leaving in tears. Can’t wait to see how hometown dates go!