Sometimes I wish that people would think a little harder before they open their mouths and let words come out.
I mean, I get that not everyone is blessed with the ability to say the right thing at the right time.
We all have different talents.
Some people are super awesome at building model airplanes.
Some people are good at cutting their own bangs.
And some people are just not good at talking and should be required to have a minimum Brain to Mouth Thinking Over Time in order to determine if what they are about to say is appropriate.
For instance, the girl who waited on me for lunch and called me really REALLY pregnant.
What. Is. That.
Listen — we all know that when someone says, “really pregnant”, they are not actually referring to your amount of pregnantness. You’re either pregnant, or you’re not. It’s a very black and white issue, no shades of grey here.
What they ARE referring to, is how HUGE you are.
Please refer to my handy reference guide below:
- I think she’s pregnant = she might just have eaten a big lunch
- She’s pregnant = kind of round in the belly
- She’s really pregnant = really round in the belly and probably towards the end of pregnancy
- She’s really REALLY pregnant = OMG call the butcher, we’ve got a massive sow up in here
By referring to the chart, you can see that I was obviously less than pleased. Especially considering that as I sucked down my massive soda, I was contemplating an extra side order and possibly dessert.
What words do pregnant women want to hear?
I’m glad you asked.
What words do pregnant women NOT want to hear?
- You look tired
- Really REALLY pregnant
What I’m getting at is, if the waitress had fulfilled the minimum Brain to Mouth Thinking Time requirement, she would have realized that what she was about to say was on the list of NEVER SAY TO PREGNANT WOMEN EVER EVER. But she didn’t, so she said something really dumb, but I bet she’s great at cutting bangs, or maybe she’s that nice friend who will take the cotton out of the pill bottles for you because the feel of it gives you the heebie geebies.
In the name of being really REALLY pregnant, I am presenting you with a dessert that is supposed to be low fat or something. But then I went and slopped glaze all over them, because that is what really pregnant women do, so you can leave that part off if you want.
They’re actually really good, and don’t taste dietey at all.
Duh, do you think I would eat them if they did?
Obviously, I realize that the addition of glaze makes these FOUR Ingredient bars and not actual TWO ingredient bars but the glaze IS optional and Four Ingredient doesn’t sound as cool and OMG WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT A PREGNANT LADY?!
Two Ingredient Lemon Bars
- Can of lemon pie filling (roughly 16 oz)
- Box of Angel Food Cake Mix
- 2 Tablespoons lemon juice
- 1 cup powdered sugar
1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. In the bowl of a mixer, combine cake mix and lemon pie filling. Beat on medium speed until just combined. Spread in an ungreased 10x15x1 inch jelly roll pan. Bake for about 20 minutes or so, until puffy and top isn’t super sticky or gooey. Remove from oven and let cool.
3. Make glaze: Whisk together lemon juice and powdered sugar. If it’s too thick, add a bit more lemon juice or some water. Too thin, add a bit more powdered sugar. Drizzle over bars and cut into squares.