Two Ingredient Lemon Bars
Sometimes I wish that people would think a little harder before they open their mouths and let words come out.
I mean, I get that not everyone is blessed with the ability to say the right thing at the right time.
We all have different talents.
Some people are super awesome at building model airplanes.
Some people are good at cutting their own bangs.
And some people are just not good at talking and should be required to have a minimum Brain to Mouth Thinking Over Time in order to determine if what they are about to say is appropriate.
For instance, the girl who waited on me for lunch and called me really REALLY pregnant.
What. Is. That.
Listen — we all know that when someone says, “really pregnant”, they are not actually referring to your amount of pregnantness. You’re either pregnant, or you’re not. It’s a very black and white issue, no shades of grey here.
What they ARE referring to, is how HUGE you are.
Please refer to my handy reference guide below:
- I think she’s pregnant = she might just have eaten a big lunch
- She’s pregnant = kind of round in the belly
- She’s really pregnant = really round in the belly and probably towards the end of pregnancy
- She’s really REALLY pregnant = OMG call the butcher, we’ve got a massive sow up in here
By referring to the chart, you can see that I was obviously less than pleased. Especially considering that as I sucked down my massive soda, I was contemplating an extra side order and possibly dessert.
What words do pregnant women want to hear?
I’m glad you asked.
- Glowing
- Small
- Beautiful
What words do pregnant women NOT want to hear?
- Swollen
- You look tired
- Really REALLY pregnant
What I’m getting at is, if the waitress had fulfilled the minimum Brain to Mouth Thinking Time requirement, she would have realized that what she was about to say was on the list of NEVER SAY TO PREGNANT WOMEN EVER EVER. But she didn’t, so she said something really dumb, but I bet she’s great at cutting bangs, or maybe she’s that nice friend who will take the cotton out of the pill bottles for you because the feel of it gives you the heebie geebies.
Whatever.
In the name of being really REALLY pregnant, I am presenting you with a dessert that is supposed to be low fat or something. But then I went and slopped glaze all over them, because that is what really pregnant women do, so you can leave that part off if you want.
They’re actually really good, and don’t taste dietey at all.
Duh, do you think I would eat them if they did?
Obviously, I realize that the addition of glaze makes these FOUR Ingredient bars and not actual TWO ingredient bars but the glaze IS optional and Four Ingredient doesn’t sound as cool and OMG WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT A PREGNANT LADY?!Two Ingredient Lemon Bars
INGREDIENTS
- Can of lemon pie filling (roughly 16 oz)
- Box of Angel Food Cake Mix
- Glaze:
- 2 Tablespoons lemon juice
- 1 cup powdered sugar
Instructions
1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. In the bowl of a mixer, combine cake mix and lemon pie filling. Beat on medium speed until just combined. Spread in an ungreased 10x15x1 inch jelly roll pan. Bake for about 20 minutes or so, until puffy and top isn’t super sticky or gooey. Remove from oven and let cool.
3. Make glaze: Whisk together lemon juice and powdered sugar. If it’s too thick, add a bit more lemon juice or some water. Too thin, add a bit more powdered sugar. Drizzle over bars and cut into squares.
I hope you enjoy them. Have a very happy Wednesday!!
Thanks for visiting my blog! I realize you could be doing more important things with your time. Like watching the news or washing socks. I hope you stay awhile. Much more fun than socks, I promise. 
these look amazing!!!!!!! and all those not pregnant ladies are just jealous of your beautiful glowing small self. they can suck it. :)
I made these today and they’re fantastic. But why did you make me eat half the freakin pan????
1. I totally, 100% agree with you about certain people being required to have a longer period to process what is about to come out of their mouth. Let’s call it the PFIM Wait Time. {Potential Foot in Mouth} 2. I am sure that your “really pregnant” is more becoming that most peoples’ “not pregnant at all”. Seriously. , 3. These look yum & not at all dietey. So, thank you. Because now I won’t fall into the “I think she’s pregnant” category if I decide to indulge. ;)
I like everything about this post! You made me laugh and you are soooo right about what is and is not the proper thing to say to a pregnant woman! Then on top of all that wonderfulness, you give a simple recipe that has me wanting to run to the store right now to get the two ingredients (since I don’t happen to have either on hand). One of the best posts ever!
Thank you for this recipe!! Sound simple, delicious and refreshing!!… You are right, some people should come with an instruction manual on how to approach other people but you know what? Don’t let one snarky comment ruin your day and the fact that you are bringing a whole new beautiful person into this world. I don’t know you personally but I know that if I would find you on the street I would just tell you how amazingly beautiful you look and I would bless you and that baby. You take good care ok!!!
How about adding, “Are you sure you’re not having twins?” to your list.
Lawdt have mercy on their soul!
I was just going to say that!
I’ve gotten the “wow that’s gonna be a big baby!” comment, and I am having twins! LOL
I’ve gotten that one too!
Here’s a good one: “I couldn’t tell you were pregnant from behind!”
For what it’s worth, I think you look amazing and I’ve loved your pics. Gorgeous!!!
But… disagree. As many pregnant women hate being called small as those who hate being called large.. or really pregnant.
Boy did I get sick of everyone telling me how “small” I looked when pregnant with my daughter. All I wanted to do was look super pregnant, not small! Oh and BTW.. my “small” baby was 3.5kg at 36 weeks.. far out!!!
Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and keep posting those adorable, stunning pics. x
They look delicious! And I just want to add also, I love your blogs. I laugh the entire time and I agree people need to think first especially when dealing with pregnant women. Thanks for sharing, you made my day.
Two ingredients, four ingredients–that’s neither here nor there. What’s up is how amazing these bars are. And how NOT cool that waitress was. She’s just hatin’ on you because you’re beautiful. And she knows you’re going to have possibly the cutest kid evah.
This is hysterical! I am 12 weeks w Twins and I had someone tell me yesterday that I was “big for 12 weeks”. HELLO TWO BABIES! That goes on the what not to say list for sure, I can completely relate. I though I just looked like I had a big lunch. Guess not!! You have the best posts!
I am 14 weeks with twins and had a girl at work tell me that she told her friend not to fill bad about how big she was for 28 weeks to come see me!
Really??
*feel bad!
oh, I used to hate when people told me that I had a “pregnant face”… maybe they thought it was cute… I thought that my face was round and swallen like an apple pie… the answer must always be: I’ll come when YOU are pregnant and see how YOU handle it! you look fabulous and happy! nevermind hollow headed people!
Oh my, you are positively beautiful!!!!!!! My oldest daughter was a month or so old and I went to the store without her and a lady came up to me and asked me when my baby was due (horrors)/ Really now – the woman knew me – I gained tons with her – this was 30 years ago – but really now. You are gorgeous and glowing – people have lost those filters in their brains.
As for this lemon bar – awesome and I am going to make them this weekend – my Dad loves lemon anything!!!
Thank you!!!
Ditto. When my son was about a year old I was wearing a loose cotton top. (I was NOT obese, just needed to lose twenty pounds.) A neighbor came up to me at the market and said something like: “Oh how wonderful — you’re going to have another baby.” In my kindest possible voice I said “no, I’m not pregnant”. The color drained from her face and she looked agast. Then we both started laughing till our faces turned red. She was a sweet, kind, lovely neighbor who just happened to have a “foot-in-mouth-itist” moment.
Kristan — you are the sweetest, wittiest, prettiest, petite, barely-even-look pregnant woman in the world! I’m not saying that to make you feel better. I’m saying it because it true!!!!
These look super yummy. My “favorite” pregnancy related comment was “Wow! Are you having twins?!?!” Seriously, that’s what you want to say to a pregnant lady? Some people have ZERO common sense!
WHAT! You’re barely showing! She obviously knows NOTHING!
When I was pregnant, I said something about laying out in the yard and sucking up some sun and was told to “Be careful!” Thinking I was about to get some serious advice, I was shocked when he continued, “Some animal rights activist might try to put you back in the water.”
I got the ‘Are you having twins?!’ comment from a coworker who was also pregnant and due the same week as me!! I think I blew a gasket on that one, and still can’t think of her (21 years later) without remembering that comment!
LOL!! I was really really pregnant on july… and you are right!
These bars looks really really yummy. (I want the 4 ingredients, of course)
Sorry for my english, and hope all get well!
Happy wednesday!! :)
These look wonderful!
When I was pregnant with my first I worked with someone who every.single.day for the last two months would say, “you’re still here?” – thanks for starting my day out crabby lady! Finally, as soon as I saw her I would blurt out, “YES, I’m STILL here”!
Sorry you had to deal with the uncensored server.
When I was pregnant I hated this question, “how much weight have you gained?” Really… I always wondered why anyone would ask this question. I always make a point to tell pregnant friends how awesome they look.
These bars look Awesome and such an easy recipe besides. Thank you
My hubby will absolutely love these
ColleenB.
Really Really RIch or Really Really beautiful or Really Really Smart…THOSE are acceptable “Really REally’s”.
And these bars look REALL REALLY good. That’s another ;)
Really Really skinny and really really shiny hair are acceptable, but really really pregnant is off limits. :)
AMEN! One of my husband’s friends this weekend went on and on and ON about how someone he knew was 8.5 months pregnant and you could barely tell….WAY smaller than I was…etc. etc. etc.
Thanks a lot dude. Your wife has OBVIOUSLY never been preggers or you would know better.
Don’t you hate that?! It is insane what people will say to you. Someone stopped me in the hallway at work last week and said, ‘Wow, you must be due soon!’…and I said ‘Um, nope. I’m due at the end of January…’
Sweet.
2 ingredients-awesome!! Hang in there my friend and you have my permission to punch rude people:)
Well, these are absolutely brilliant!!! Cannot wait to try them!
You, by the way, are glowing and tiny and beautiful.
PS….what IS it about that medicine bottle cotton!??! Like nails on a chalkboard!
When my daughter was really really pregnant with her twin daughters, she was lucky enough to ride an elevator with a young man who stared at her belly until she told him that he was making her uncomfortable. My daughter is a peace maker and avoids conflict to the max, but when he told her that she had the biggest belly he had ever seen, I believe the hormonal surge took over and he rued the day he chose to enter the elevator with her. I just wished that I had been there to add my two cents. I love a good brawl.
You are too funny and right on the money about what people say…It’s like as soon as you are pregnant and are showing people feel as though they have a no hold barred pass and let whatever they are thinking fly out of their mouths,,,and never mind trying to grope your belly..I’m glad I watched Karate kid a million times growing up because the wax on wax off moves to ward off the attackers.Umm hello people ever hear of Stranger danger?? I remember someone told me that i didn’t really look pregnant because i was already fat..( I was a size 12 I know that is not small by any means but she made it like I was a 2 ton woman who would need the side of the house removed before I could get out… You are seriously one of the cutest pregnant chickies ever so don’t let her stupidity get to you.
oh and i use tweezers to get that cotton out of the bottle… it reminds me of what insulation would feel like if you touched it… so gross
I tried to stay pretty zen while I was pregnant, but ‘you look tired’ always got to me. I felt like saying, “Of course I’m tired! I got up 5 times to pee last night!” Nobody appreciates those comments and I’ll have to make sure I’m not guilty of that, because you forget so easily!
I carried my daughter like a watermelon. I used to say she must have had a chase lounge in there or something.
At seven months I had some stranger come up to me and say, “Woah, you must be due any day now, it looks like the baby has dropped.” I so wanted to punch that woman in the face, but instead I said though gritted teeth, “No I’m only 7 months.” She turned a lovely shade of green.
I used to also get strangers asking me if I was SURE I wasn’t having twins.
I stayed in the house a lot when I was pregnant.
ps. I’ve made these bars before and my advice is: Don’t use generic/off brand cake mix. You will get icky bars. Use the brand name stuff!
That’s my kind of bar! Yum!
These sound absolutely incredible! I will definitely be trying these.
Haha – the doctor told me on Monday that I have a really big baby. Now I’m paranoid of birthing a 10 pound child – this should be on the list of things that doctors shouldn’t say!!
Excuse me while I go eat a whole pan of these. All by myself. because pregnant women with a gigantic baby can do that…
I just co-hosted a baby shower on Sunday where the MTB insisted we do not play the Measure Your Belly Game…I personally outlaw it anyways because seriously, worse-game-to-play-evah! Nobody at any stage and point whether you are preggers or not want people to know how big you are…that includes stepping on scales at the doctor’s office. Can we outlaw that too? Sorry…got distracted in my ramble.
And sidebar, this recipe is my kind of cooking!!!
Right at the end of my pregnancy I went out to a Mexican restaurant for lunch with a friend. I order on enchilada with a side of rice. The waiter looked at me, and asked “Is that it, are you sure?” HELLO – I am pregnant not fat! Seriously, just keep your mouth shut around a pregnant woman!
As a currently pregnant woman, I totally agree with you! I had a similar situation yesterday at Kohl’s only I wasn’t at the receiving end of the ‘foot in mouth’ comment. I was buying a few maternity items and the cashier said “You don’t look pregnant at all!” An example something GOOD to say to a pregnant woman even if it’s not true. (and granted, I’m only 15 weeks along). Then a lady who is obviously much father along in her pregnancy got in line behind me. Said cashier remarked, “Now you look pregnant!” Good thing she’s not working for tips!
Bars look awesome – and love how easy they are!
I love lemon bars. Can’t wait to try them!
I have looked all over my town for canned lemon pie filling! Can you believe that they don’t carry it??? Anywhere??? What is up with that? I wonder if there is something else I can use in place of it…. These look sooo good :)
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA, this whole thing made me laugh out loud. Yes, “laugh out loud”. Not “LOL”. “LOL” is for losers ;)
…I’m only partly kidding.
Genius!
And you’re adorable as always!
I would have done anything to look like you when I was pregnant! In my humble opinion you’re the woman other women hope to look like when they’re pregnant! :)
oh my gosh! you are hilarious! I will be following your blog. looks like you have great recipes (loved your mummy pops) and great humor. Thanks for putting a smile on my face while I’ve been wasting my day away at my computer.
Amber
I think you are glowing, small and beautiful!
And these little bars are awesome.
Did you leave a tip?
Normally I shy away from recipes that use cake mix, but these sound so good! I think angel food cake is a little less unhealthy than other varieties anyway.
When I was pregnant, my baby’s position was awkward. My belly stuck straight out. And my baby weighed over nine pounds when he was born. Needless to say, I looked huge. My co-workers threw me a baby shower after I had my baby. One of my co-workers looked at me with a surprised look on her face and said, “Oh, you’re tiny.” Yes, that huge protruding belly was a *baby*.
My biggest petpeeve was always “You look like you are ready to pop!” When I was pregnant with my son, some people started saying that to me once I reached 7 months EVERYTIME they saw me, I was ready to punch somebody in the face. What does that even mean, ready to pop? Do you KNOW how this thing works??
At least she didn’t try to rub your belly or give you breastfeeding advice or ask how long it took for you to get pregnant. For some reason all normal politeness boundaries are out as soon as you’re visibly pregnant.
Bahaha, if anyone ever calls me “swollen” I will have to hit them. Please take the same approach.
LOL. This looks totally awesome and wonderful! Doesn`t matter if it`s 4 ingredients, i`ll still make it!
I LOVE 2 ingredient recipes!! Thank you!! And I always had a hard time when people told me every pregnancy horror story they had ever known…..like new mommies don’t worry enough!
I can’t believe there’s only two ingredients! Amazing. Such a great idea!
Lemon Bars = yummy!
Prego comments- I live in farm country and a million and one people would ask me why I hadn’t “freshened” yet when my son was almost 3 weeks late. Right… Like I was crossing my legs and holding him in! All you should say to a women who is 3 weeks late is, “dear, can I get you some ice cream”? Did I mention it was mid August (hot and humid) and he ended up weighing 11.5 lbs! God Bless you girl!
This is the most awesome post I have read all month. And perhaps the most amazing sort-of-from-scratch recipe, too! I need to try this!
You now have a new, really pregnant blog follower! Haha! I am 7 mos and people are always telling me that I must be due any day now. Whatevs, I just tell them Jan 2nd and move on to something else. The lemon bars look phenomenal and *easy peasy* – can’t wait to make them this weekend. I always love lemon when I’m pregnant. :)
[...] anyway, Kristan is about to have a baby. And she loves it when you tell her she looks really, REALLY pregnant. Loves [...]
I came across your blog through the virtual baby shower that you were given. Congratulations!!
When I was pregnant a few years ago, I heard all kinds of things….and not from your ‘good’ list. I was at a friend’s birthday party and 4 days overdue, the waitress asked me my due date, so I told her. Her next question was to ask if I was having twins. GASP My son was 10lbs 3oz at birth, so let me tell you I was huge, but how inconsiderate.
I love lemon. I can’t wait to try these.
Thanks!!
I always say to my husband or friend or whoever is with me when someone says something rude, sarcastic or thoughtless: Who says that?? Well, obviously people just don’t think before speaking. Thanks for the recipe. I believe I’ll try it tonight.
I need these bars now. I’m due in 6 weeks and yesterday this guy at church says hi and then ‘you’re getting so big!’ His wife has had a baby, so how does he not know this is unacceptable!?!? I’m not huge either. This is the latest in a series of people saying stupid things to me. Oh and with my last baby I ordered feta on my pasta and the teenage girl says to me ‘are you sure about that?’ Yes I am you idiot, otherwise I wouldn’t have ordered it. Why do people think they can say whatever they want to pregnant women?!
This post just cracked me up. I lived in Germany during my first pregnancy and in the land of very honest people…I got (TWICE!): are you sure you’re not having twins? WTF?