The other night, my husband decided to take our son camping overnight.
Obviously, this sounded totally great. Male bonding and blah blah blah, but the problem was that I haven’t been COMPLETELY home alone for an entire night in at least 8 years. I mean, my husband is gone from time to time, but I always have Jon David here to sleep in bed with me so he can defend me from killers or whatever.
I really don’t know why I think that a 7 year old in my bed is a magical anti-murder talisman, but somehow it works that way in my mind. PLUS, I have never been killed while he slept in my bed, so apparently it does work.
Normally when my husband is leaving for a night, I spend days working up a plan. Like, how I will defend myself (a gun, obviously…but I’m always torn between shooting them in the heart, or in the you know what), if I’ll call 911 FIRST and THEN shoot, or shoot and THEN call 911, and sometimes I even practice my 911 call voice.
I know from all the crime shows that I watch that these calls are usually played on TV later, so I want to make sure I have the appropriate combination of bravery and terror in my voice. I mean, most of the photos we have of me don’t even look like me because they’re at a bad angle or I was making an in-between face or whatever, so my 911 tape is really the only chance I have at coming across as a semi-normal human being.
This time though, I was kind of in denial because both boys were leaving, so I didn’t really formulate a good plan in advance. Once they left, I spent most of the daylight hours watching 16 and Pregnant reruns. It’s kind of a stressful show, but I find that it makes me feel self righteous, and I spent a great deal of time yelling at the TV, which distracted me from the growing sense of fear and dread that increased as it got closer to nighttime.
One it was totally dark out, I started cleaning the house. I know that mopping and dusting at 9 pm isn’t very normal, but I knew it would keep me busy and wear me out. Plus, cleaning supplies are men repellants, so I knew that as long as I immersed myself in dust and grime, no man would try to intrude.
It was 11 pm by the time I was finished cleaning and sat down with a bowl of Kraft macaroni and Crazy, Stupid, Love. I decided to just spend the night on the couch, because I have a direct line of vision with the front door, so if someone was trying to get in I would wake up immediately.
Sadly, it turns out that my couch isn’t really a good sleeping couch, so it was a bad night all around. Finally around 5 30 am I decided to head upstairs to bed (most people get murdered around like, 3 am I bet…once you’re in the 5′s, I think you’re fine) and slept until after 10.
Basically, the whole thing was exhausting.
But on a good note — I didn’t get killed!! Which is always a good day.
Also, my husband took this picture on their camping trip:
Which made the fact that I almost died from murder totally worth it.
Before the boys left on their camping trip, I made a batch of Monster Cookies for them to take with them. I hadn’t made Monster Cookies in a few years because my husband said he didn’t really like them. So this time, I just baked them and when my husband asked what kind they were, I said, “Peanut Butter Oatmeal” then he took a bite and said they were some of the best cookies he’d ever had.
Sometimes lying to your husband about food is just plain ol’ for their own good.
I’ve combined several different recipes and added a few things of my own until I came up with a recipe I liked. In my opinion, these are perfect — not too soft, not too chewy, with just the right amount of candy.
These are a great way to use up some of your leftover Easter Candy!! Those stinky kids won’t even notice it’s gone.
- 1 1/4 cups packed brown sugar
- 1 cup white sugar
- 3 eggs
- 1 stick of softened butter
- 1 1/2 cups smooth peanut butter
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 3 cups assorted candies — I used 1/2 cup Reese’s Pieces, 1/2 cup M&M’s, 1 cup chopped Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, and 1 cup chopped Kit Kat bars
- 2 teaspoons baking soda
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 2 cups quick cooking (not instant) oats
- 2 cups old fashioned oats
1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. In the bowl of a mixer, beat eggs and both sugars on medium until smooth and combined. Add vanilla, peanut butter and butter and beat again on medium until smooth. Mix in the oats, baking soda, and salt. Fold in candies.
3. Scoop cookie dough with a large cookie scoop onto ungreased baking sheets. Bake for about 10 minutes, until edges are lightly browned. Let cool on baking sheets for several minutes before using a spatula to remove to wire rack.
Makes about 4 dozen large cookies