“Faux”tess Cupcakes
Some of you might remember that I moved a year ago, from my house on a dirt road across from a field of cows, to an actual street in a city with stuff in it and neighbors who don’t own goats or drive John Deere’s around.
A year later, we FINALLY have a closing date on the sale of our home.
Of course, I am not holding my breath. We’ve had several offers, and closing dates, but securing financing is ridiculous nowadays, you basically have to know all the cheats to the original Super Mario Brothers, the blood of a unicorn, and a bronze engraved copy of every check you’ve ever written for the past decade, so it always ends up falling through at the last minute.
The whole thing makes me kind of sad because it’s like, everyone has to have a place to live, so it doesn’t seem like it should be so hard. And I get that there is an economic crisis and banks had to change the way they lend because of irresponsible mortgages, but there just has to be a better way.
When I was in 3rd grade, I had a teacher named Mrs. Peters who I think was related to the devil, she was all about tough life lessons and stuff like that. And one day she left class for a few minutes — she said it was to run to the office but I’m fairly certain she was taking a break for her daily snack of nails and lighter fluid. ANYWAYS, while she was gone, this boy in my class named Luigi got up and started being really funny and all of us were dying laughing. Then Mrs. Peters came back and caught him.
I’m not going to lie, a little thrill went through me as I anticipated the punishment he was going to get.
Only…she didn’t punish him. She let him go to recess and made the rest of us stay inside, so all the REST of us got punished instead. I know it was supposed to teach us a lesson about encouraging him, but honestly, all it did was confirm my theories about her relation to a demonic entity.
Anyways, this whole situation makes me think of that day in 3rd grade, only the banks are Luigi and everyone else is the rest of the class, who is staying in for recess when EVERYONE knows that kids need time to get their energy out.
I’m wondering if maybe instead of getting loans, we could just do a bartering system where we trade houses. Kind of like on The Holiday, only permanent and without Jude Law or Jack Black.
Jude Law has a funny forehead, and I just can’t erase the image of Jack Black and Kate Winslet kissing from my mind.
You’re ROSE, Kate. ROSE!!!
It would be so easy to just trade, and if we trade for a house that’s a bit nicer, we could throw in our penny jar, or one of those homemade coupon books for back rub and doing the dishes IOUs. I mean, I’m not a fan of rubbing a stranger’s back, but if it will get me a pool, or maybe one of those book cases that is a secret door, I will definitely give it a go.
And if that doesn’t work, I will give them cupcakes. Cupcakes usually always work. Mostly.
You really won’t believe how easy these are. They taste way better than the Hostess version and they’re cheaper too!!
Start with a Devil’s Food Cupcake. I normally use Duncan Hines cake mix, but I used Betty Crocker this time and was very surprised. The cupcakes were perfectly moist (I hate that word, but what do you do) and had nice domes on the top.
Make your filling and pipe it in.
There will be a hole in the top, but no biggie. It will get covered with frosting.
Now for the most important part — melt a can of chocolate frosting and dip the top of the cupcake in it, allowing the excess to drip off.
Don’t get me wrong, I love homemade buttercream and normally prefer it, but there are some situations in life that call for a can of chocolate frosting. This is one of them.
Pipe your squiggle on top and you’re all set!!
These are one of our favorites around here, and so easy to make. I hope you enjoy them!!Homemade Hostess Cupcakes
INGREDIENTS
- 2 dozen Devils Food Cupcakes, baked and cooled (use a mix, make homemade, whatever floats your dinghy)
- Filling:
- 3 cups powdered sugar
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 1/2 cup boiling water
- 1 1/2 cup vegetable shortening
- 6 Tablespoons cold butter, cut into pieces
- Frosting:
- 1 can of chocolate frosting
- 1 can of vanilla frosting, for squiggles
INSTRUCTIONS
1. Prepare filling: In the bowl of a mixer, combine powdered sugar, salt, and vanilla. Add boiling water and whip with the WHISK ATTACHMENT on medium low speed until smooth and cool. Add shortening and butter and beat on medium low until combined. Increase speed to medium high and beat for about 4-5 minutes, until smooth, fluffy, and doubled in volume.
2. Fill cupcakes. You can use a piping bag and tip, or cut a hole with a knife, fill with a spoon, and place the cut out cake back on top to cover.
3. Remove lid and foil from frosting and microwave on high for about a minute, stirring every 15 seconds until it is the consistency of hot fudge. Dip the tops of the cupcakes in the frosting, holding upside down to allow excess to drip off so they aren’t messy.
4. Once frosting has cooled and firmed up, pipe squiggles on with canned white frosting (or remaining filling) if desired.
Notes:
Filling recipe is adapted from The Whimsical Bakehouse’s House Buttercream
Thanks for visiting my blog! I realize you could be doing more important things with your time. Like watching the news or washing socks. I hope you stay awhile. Much more fun than socks, I promise. 
You are so smart for these cupcakes. And so brilliant for a permanent house trade. Fabulous idea, on both accounts!
ok-I’m just going to say it-I think you may be the smartest, coolest person I know and I am pretty sure that you should run fro president. I mean, if these cupcakes would work for mortgages, think about what they might do for world peace! I mean really-what problem can’t be made better over yummy cupcakes and ice cold milk??
I just love those cakes and now I have another reason to love you for sharing a home made recipe!
I had a super mean third grade teacher too! Her name was Ms. Green…but what I love most about this story is that you had a kid in your class named Luigi. that is like a real-life dream come true.
My 5th grade teacher was Mrs. Green and she was really mean. She used to call us kids “Twit”!
Love love LOVE the trading idea. Will you trade me? We recently moved and I thought it was to a city but no. I am out in the sticks and have actually had to pick ticks off my children like I’m some kind of monkey or something.
this made me laugh out loud!
They look like they would be way too sweet for me, but I think I want to make them anyway, because they look super yummy too! I think you may have something there….Cupcakes for houses! :-)
I agree on the trading houses…it would make things so much easier! The filling in these cupcakes sounds amazing…I think I could just eat that on its own.
i used to LOVE hostess cupcakes! but i think once i grew older, i dont ever eat them anymore!
You are ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!! I can’t wait to try this recipe out!! You are a PURE GENIUS!!!
Love the analogy of the economic crisis and the grade three teacher! Also – the cupcakes look amazing!
I NEVER would have thought of melting frosting! Such a great idea! I’m making these very soon, thanks for the great recipe!
Haha…I’m down for trading houses. I’ll definitely do it if there are cupcakes involved! :D Mmm!
“…her daily snack of nails and lighter fluid”….oh, don’t you love teachers like that? I was just telling my boys about a teacher I had in 7th grade who had the longest fake fingernails (but wore no makeup, weird), and would pick her nose, look at it, and eat it on a regular basis. WHERE do these teachers come from?
On a lighter note, your fauxstess cupcakes are perfection.
I am not sure how you come up with these recipes, but I am sure glad that you do. These cupcakes look so amazingly awesome that I really feel like I need one right now!
You knew a real-life Luigi? I’m crazy jealous – I totally think I’m going to name my next dog Luigi. Love these fauxstess cupcakes.
These hostess cupcakes are my all-time favorite dessert!!! I can still remember the thrill of buying the two-pack and peeling off the fudgy top!!! Can’t wait to try these!
Oh my goodness! You make me laugh! It is so tricky buying a house, isn’t it? I never knew unicorn blood helped. That’s good to know. Why does everyone hate the word “moist”? Am I missing something? You know what would be funny, is if every time you meant to say “most”, you said “moist” – Like in Super Troopers when they say “Meow” instead of “now”. . . Just a thought. You could pull it off for sure.
I need one of these. It would be the perfect bedtime snack. And yes, I eat bedtime snacks!
Beautifully explained – thanks!
Good luck with the house, I hope this closing goes through!
I love the milk glasses positioned behind each cupcake!
Sigh. Tell me about it. I moved states last year for a job and now I’m stuck in a tiny cramped *windowless* apartment next door to a public gym. I’m house hunting and you’d think I asked people to sacrifice puppies for all I keep having to deal with.
I was just watching television, over here in Cairo, Egypt where I now live and there was a British show called House Swap! Real people trading their houses – for keeps. Unfortunately, in the episode I watched, the two couples couldn’t come to an agreement because they both had overinflated ideas of what their houses were worth. But I thought, “What a good idea!” Perhaps you need to approach one of the networks in the States with your idea? And then you wouldn’t need a mortgage, after you make your millions! And you’d have more time to bake yummy fauxtess cupcakes. : ) And you could send some to Mrs. Peters. Because success is the best revenge!
Love the cupcakes! Saying a little prayer for you on the closing! :)
Love everything about this, and I want to eat a dozen right now :)
melting the can of frosting?? You are genius, yet again. These are perfect!
yum!, wondering…can you melt homemade icing? or is it the extra”ingredients in the storebought that help texture? thanks!
You have got to be kidding me. I just recently made a gluten-free, dairy-free version as well, that, obviously, was more work. Seeing as how I don’t need GFDF stuff (I LOVE gluten and dairy) and was making those for a friend, I’ll just have to treat myself and make these for me! (*cough* I mean, to share. I’d definitely share.)
Thanks for posting!
Just this week I looked into ordering one of those fake bookcases, that’s really a door to a secret compartment! I figure I work hard, so if I want to have a secret passage a la “Webster” damn it, I deserve one! In my brain, there’s an elegent wine cellar behind it….in real life, it will be a messy closet where I go hide to eat these cupcakes in peace and quiet!
We’re building a house. There was dead space behind my daughters closet. So, my husband made it into a secret playroom. When you walk into her closet, there is actually a bookcase that you slide over to reveal a secret door! It’s kinda cool. The cupcakes look amazing. I’ll have to make them for my daughters class.
I wish we could trade as well … I’m on the other end of things – - I’m buying a house and you would think I’m becoming a ninja with the amount of documents I have to produce, the garbage I have to sign and blah blah blah lawyer.
If it were up to me , a delicious cake = a cute little home.
On another note, I love these cupcakes – - the idea of melting the frosting… yup, thats going to happen very very very soon :)
Just added these to my “to do” list for the weekend! Thank you!!!!
These look scrumptious Kristan!
That a big icing piper/filler!
I need me one of those. ;)
Did Jon David drink that milk with the FANCY straw~ just wondering? ;)
xoxox
I meant “that’s” a big icing bag!
Didn’t want your cute self to think I talk all RAP like!
xo
Isn’t it strange when someone has lived in the city all their life they yearn to move to the country and vice versa. I think the house swap is a great idea. Fancy living in the UK? *wink wink*
The cupcakes look fab and so quick-like. We don’t get even half as much baking boxes, etc. over here as there. Only some Betty Crocker frostings and box mixes. No Dunan Hines. Pah!
Hostess cupcakes totally take me back to the 3rd grade too!
Heavenly days does this have me wanting to run to the grocery store right now for the stuff to make these bad boys! {And I mean “run” figuratively, ya know. More like drive quickly…}
How the heck do people like Mrs. Peters get the “okay” from school districts to teach and shape young minds?! Perhaps if she had a daily snack of these cute little cupcakes, she would turn from demonic to angelic.
I hope your closing goes though! They can be though, we just closed on our house last week.
Love the homemade version of these. I always think the store bought ones have a plastic taste to them, but I love them anyway!
I had a mean 3rd grade teacher as well. Her name was/is Mrs. Weigand. doesn’t that just sound evil?! She told us that all the ugly children were in the other 3rd grade class so we wouldn’t try to switch classes. Not good memories. I also hate the word moist. I almost couldn’t type it. Seriously.
Oh! I don’t like the word moist either. There’s just something so…dirty…about it.
I need to get me one of those Do-hickies that you stick into a cupcake! That could totally reinvent my life!
I enjoyed reading your post.
Great idea, melting the can of frosting for dipping the cupcakes!!!! I never thought to do that. What a time saver!!!
I know my kids will love these cupcakes. Thanks for sharing.
How about trading houses with the contents!!! I think houses should be sold intact with all the furnishings I hate to pack, move, unpack everything! The last 2 moves we had “packers” came and packed up our house(courtesy my husband’s company). Unfortunately, we were missing things and did not realize it until 2-3 years after the move!! Of course the time limit for filing a claim expired.
Wouldn’t that make life easier? Just take your clothes, toiletries, photos and the dog!! LOL
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who will ALWAYS see Rose when I see Kate Winslet. These were my favorite cupcakes growing up!!! Soo gooood!!!
just as a side note..the cheats to the original Super Mario Bros.
Left Right Left Right Select Up Down Up Down A Up B Up A Down B Down
:) not that I’m a geek or anything….
Love this idea! I am going to try to make them as mini hostess cupcakes! Dipping them is sooo much faster and so cute! Thanks so much for the idea!
HOLY GUACAMOLE! I NEED THESE!
Seriously, you are brilliant and I love you. :)
I hate the word “moist” too! Always have. That and “britches.” And “panties.” They are underwear, not panties.
Can’t wait to try these!
My fingers and toes are crossed for your family that the sale will FINALLY go through! Plus, I’ll say a prayer, light a candle, and . . . what else can I do?
I love the name! Thank goodness the house has *almost* sold. What a load off! Has it already been a YEAR?!
[...] made homemade Hostess Cupcakes. I called them “Faux”tess cupcakes, trying to be cute, then my husband asked, [...]
My mom who is 90 years old has eaten a Hostess Cupcake every single day of my life for breakfast. Yours look like a spit’m image of them. I love that you made these so simple using semi-homemade ingredients. Great idea to heat up the frosting to dip. I’ve dipped my cupcakes before but it was one I prepared from scratch. I like this idea – so much easier and quicker!
I may have to make these for my mom. Thanks for sharing.
You said “dinghy”…….. :0)
I that homemade cupcakes could solve all kinds of world problems – including the housing market!! These really do look delicious – and so much better than store-bought!
Just finished making these and eating one. My goodness were they delicious!! I think I might just have to eat the rest of them when the kids go to bed. :) (I have an excuse I’m 36 weeks pregnant.)
I just took these to my husband’s office this afternoon. The men now want to marry me, the women want to adopt me. Uh-Maze-Ing. Thank you, I will indeed make these again!!!!!!
Just made these over the weekend — so yummy and easy! Used Dark Chocolate canned frosting for glaze — just, well, YUM! Thanks for the recipe — my teenage son and his buds thank you too! :)
I was reading this recipe and noticed you hate the word “moist” how about “juicy”? Lol…any word u use will probably be not so loved!
Best,
Jackie
Your posting made me laugh and made me hungry, too. Definitely going to try this Fauxtess Cupcakes! I, too, had a horrible 3rd grade teacher. She actually wrote in the comments portion of my report card, “Kathy will never amount to anything in life.” Geesh, what is it with 3rd grade teachers?! Luckily, my mother was quite feisty and took care of the situation by complaining to the principal and the school board. Go mom go!! :)
[...] You can never go wrong with a recipe from Confessions Of A Cookbook Queen. How about a “Faux”tess Cupcake? [...]
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