Turning 32 a week ago made me realize that I need to stop messing around and get my act together. So, in a sudden burst of elderlyness, I decided that I need to make sure my husband is cared for in case of my untimely demise.
I mean, sure he’s the primary breadwinner around here, but if I died tomorrow in a freak gasoline fight accident, there are things that he will need. Like a diamond encrusted casket for me, a live appearance at my funeral by Britney Spears (I’ve heard she charges a lot, and I really want her to sing a few songs from the Crossroads soundtrack at my funeral. Not because I liked the movie, but I just really love the idea of forcing her to revisit that trainwreck, I mean I had to watch it and it was NO PICNIC), a magical nanny for Jon David (who is old and UGLY UGLY UGLY do you HEAR ME), and a life sized Wife Pillow, because he will spend the rest of his born days sleeping ALONE.
Anyways. I called a very well known life insurance company, marveling at myself and my maturity. I was calling an important company and talking to a man I didn’t know with real voices!! In the daytime!! The world was my oyster, and I was patting myself on the back and planning the online purchases I would make following the call to reward myself.
Early in the call, it became quite obvious that I was a life insurance professional. Smoke? Certainly not!! Weight? Perfectly normal, why do you ask, fine sir? “Seriously, this company should be paying ME to LET them give me insurance!!”, I was thinking to myself.
And then the next round of questions started.
What do you do for a living?
Uh…I stay at home…HOMEMAKER!! That’s it! I am a homemaker (if you’re wondering, blogging pays next to nothing and plus it’s too confusing to try to explain. Homemaker is usually the easiest thing to say)
Okay and how long have you stayed home?
Um, almost eight years. And I know that my kid is at school all day, but I’m like soooo busy all the time and school is only 7 hours, so he’s home again in the afternoon and needs a lot of food and I pour him lots of glasses of Kool Aid.
And why do you stay home? (In hindsight, I realize that this question was just to make sure I wasn’t out of the workforce because of any health issues. But not understanding that at the time, this is the point of the questioning where I got extremely self defensive and decided that Life Insurance Company hates Stay At Home Moms Whose Kid Is At School All Day )
Well when I got pregnant, we were all like “wow, kids are hard work so one of us needs to stay home”, so then I stayed home. And I’m still staying home. Also I clean a lot.
Okay and what income will the cost of your policy be coming from?
Um…our household income. (Notice the words HOUSEHOLD INCOME, not HUSBAND’S INCOME. This is because I mentally pay myself a salary every day, and it is usually about 90% of what my husband brings in. So to be fair and not leave my husband without any money, I just pay myself in the occasional Sephora shopping spree and call it even. But I figured that might be too hard to try to explain to Insurance Man)
Well WHO will be earning the household income used to pay for your policy?
Aaaaand this is the part where, in a panic, I realized that Insurance Man was going to force me to say “My husband will be paying for my life insurance policy”. Which first off would be a LIE because of my mental salary and all that, and PLUS, what if I DO die, then when my husband gets the money and is about to buy the diamond casket and call Britney Spears the Insurance Man is all “oh, you don’t have to do that, YOU’RE the one who paid for her policy, I have her on tape saying it HERSELF” (they do record all calls, they told me that), so then my husband forgoes the ugly nanny and diamond casket and instead spends the insurance money on beef jerky and unlimited UFC Pay Per View specials.
So in my panicked “if I die my son is going to spend his life in his boxers, eating beef jerky with my husband and watching men punch each other” state, I blurted out, “WHY DOES IT MATTER, I WORK SUPER HARD, I CANNOT BELIEVE MET LIFE IS JUDGING ME!!!!!!!!!”
Then Insurance Man died laughing.
But after that, he promised me that Met Life doesn’t judge.
Hopefully, he was telling the truth.
Needless to say, that whole episode left me emotionally drained. I mean, being forced to think about death, and justify my stay at homeness is enough to wear a girl flat out. So…I needed chocolate cake. But it needed to be simple. I’m conserving energy for my next online shopping trip.
I baked up my favorite cake mix cake (Duncan Hines Dark Chocolate Fudge–you can’t go wrong) and right after removing it from the oven, I poked a ton of holes in the top with the handle of a wooden spoon.
Then I poured hot fudge all up in it.
I then spooned marshmallow cream all over the top, let it get melty for a few minutes, then spread it around and toasted it in the oven.
It was a mighty fine cake, if I do say so myself.
- Toasted Marshmallow Hot Fudge Cake
- 1 box Duncan Hines Dark Chocolate Fudge Cake Mix
- Eggs called for on box
- Oil called for on box
- Water called for on box
- 1 Jar hot fudge ice cream topping
- 2 (7 0z) jars Marshmallow Creme
- See Kid-Friendly Halloween Treats
- Preheat oven to 350. Grease and flour a 9×13 inch baking pan and set aside.
- Prepare cake batter as instructed on box (make sure to mix for the amount of time it says…don’t skimp on this, it makes a big difference!!)
- When cake is almost done, heat hot fudge topping in the microwave until it is pourable. Upon removing cake from oven, immediately increase oven heat to 400. Poke holes across the surface, using the back of a wooden spoon (you want big holes, so don’t use anything tiny). You want the holes about an inch or two apart. Pour hot fudge over the surface of the cake and tilt the pan around to allow the holes to soak it up.
- Evenly spoon all of the marshmallow creme over the surface of the cake and let it sit for about 5 minutes to get melty. Carefully spread the marshmallow cream with an offset spatula. Place cake back in the oven, and remove once marshmallow topping is browned.
I literally threw this together, ate, and photographed it all last night. It’s that easy!!
Have a happy Tuesday and thanks for stopping by!!