Sometimes I think my life would be easier if I was better at being rude.
Like, when people give me annoying opinions I didn’t ask for, how awesome would it be to just say “uh yeah…don’t remember asking so just shut your pie hole, mmmkay?”.
Oh. Em. Gee. LIBERATING.
But alas, I am the type of person who, after saying such a thing, would go home, read my Bible for like two hours, then force my husband to remind me of every nice thing I’ve ever done in the history of the Earth. And then cry and eat candy.
Guilt just eats me alive. It’s like a sickness.
Anyways. It’s this guilt and inability to be blunt that landed me smack in the middle of a conversation about what I was going to buy my husband for Christmas with a cashier at a certain clothing store with weekly specials and obnoxious commercials.
(Incidentally, I was not there to buy Christmas gifts. I was buying pajamas for my kid. Because in the winter, cute snuggly pajamas on little ones make my heart melt)
Somehow, this conversation started with me giving polite nonspecific answers (oh no…no Black Friday for me!! Just got the husband left and I’m done buying…) to her regaling me with tales of her parent’s gift exchanges over the years, and advising me on purchases for a man she’s never even SEEN, all the while I nodded somberly and occasionally threw in the “WOW…good idea….” “Oh yes, definitely doing that!!”.
There are at least ten people in this town who now believe that I have decided on doing away with spousal gifts this year and instead will be putting our money towards home repairs.
AND WE’RE RENTING.
Obviously, something needs to happen. And seeing as how I’m basically a world famous inventor, I have come up with the Passive Agressive’s Solution to Idle Chit Chat:
The Do Not Disturb–I’m thinking about super important stuff right now T-Shirt
I’m thinking, Do Not Disturb signs work at hotels, why not at other places? Surely hotels do not exist in some type of time/space continuum where then and only then can people respect one’s desire for peace and privacy. I say, let’s take Do Not Disturb ALL OVER THE LAND!!
It’s basically my best creation ever, and I’m expecting to get rich at any moment. I’ve already enrolled in a fancy words school so I’ll know how to talk when I start hangin’ with all my new rich friends. I’ve also ordered several silk scarves. You can’t be rich and not own silk scarves.
Anyways, I put a lot of time and energy (about 18 minutes) into creating that shirt, and it’s a guarantee that you won’t be bothered. I mean, would you approach someone wearing it? What I’m trying to say is, you’re welcome.
In other news, I also invented something else really cool–Pumpkin Twinkies. They might even be a better invention than the shirt, except I think that Pumpkin Twinkies probably ATTRACT people instead of repel them. So be careful where you take these babies, okay? They’re delicious.
(click here for printable recipe)
INGREDIENTS
1 box yellow cake mix
1 can of pumpkin (15 oz)
2 eggs
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup water
1/2 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
Preheat oven to350. Lightly spray a Twinkie Pan with nonstick spray. (You could also use a cupcake or mini cupcake pan, just adjust your baking time)
In the bowl of a mixer, beat the cake mix, pumpkin, eggs, sugar, water and pumpkin pie spice on medium low speed for one minute. Increase speed to high and beat for another minute.
Fill Twinkie molds about halfway with batter. Bake for about 15 minutes or until tops spring back when lightly touched. Remove from oven and let cool slightly before removing Twinkies to finish cooling on racks. Once cakes are completely cool, fill.
Filling:
1 cup marshmallow creme (or fluff)
8 oz block of cream cheese, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup powdered sugar
In the bowl of a mixer, beat mm creme, cream cheese, and vanilla until smooth. Add powdered sugar and beat on low until just mixed in. Scrape sides of bowl and increase speed to high. Beat for another minute. Fill a piping bag fitted with a round tip with filling. Push into bottom of Twinkies and fill in three spots.
You can leave these plain, coat in melted butter and cinnamon sugar, or do what I did and spread some melted white chocolate over the top and sprinkle with cinnamon sugar before set.
The cake is so good…spongy just like a Twinkie, with hint of pumpkin and spice. Make them soon!!
**You can buy a Twinkie Pan (with a piping tool included) HERE.
(BTW–several people have asked, and yes–you really can buy that shirt. Just click the title under the photo and it will take you to my Cafe Press shop–thanks Shelly for opening up that whole world to me!!)
Have a fabulous Monday!! Thanks for reading.
***I just found out from a sweet reader that Joceyln from inside BruCrew Life created Chocolate Covered Pumpkin Twinkies awhile back, and they look AMAZING!! Be sure to click over and check them out.
My sister would love these!!! And I love your shirt! :)
That is a pretty awesome invention! ANd I love the shirt :)
Again, you are brilliant, with both the shirt and the twinkies. :)
My life might be a little more peaceful with that shirt. Could save my sanity!
this is why ur one of the coolest girls I know!!!
If I made the things that you post on here I would gain back all 50 lbs that I just lost……I could never eat just one. Made pumpkin muffins yesterday and had eaten 3 by the end of the day! Love your blog…I read your facebook posts to my husband all of the time so that he can laugh along with me!
And when will the T-shirts be ready for sale?? By Black Friday maybe?? And, the pumpkin twinkies look delish!!
Well, it’s actually for sale now. If you click the link under the shirt picture you can totally buy it!!!
super cool!!! =)
I’ll pay you big money for that shirt. Yum on the pumpkin twinkies!!
The twinkies look fab, and man. People are crazy. Amen to that shirt girl.
I need to buy a twinkie pan and that -shirt
Oh my gosh I am the same way!!!! So nice to know I am not alone!
You totally rock, my dear! Thank you for sharing your brilliance with us all. :)
Pumpkin Twinkies and a cute shirt are all I need.
Oohh, I cannot make these because I would eat the entire batch in one sittng! lol Delicious recipe!!
yummy. love the t-shirt. (:
i’ve got one can left of pumpkin and i’ve been holding out waiting for the perfect recipe to come along… this is it!
basically, you’ve done it again.
what’s it like being so brilliant?
great shirt, too!
now, i’m going to go and share this on my facebook wall :D
Love the t-shirt and the twinkies – I have been pinning so many yummy treats from your site!
These are just amazing! I need that t-shirt to wear to work:-)
Yeah, those look amazing and great job on the photos…you rock! I heart pumpkin anything. :) Jessica
runningtobeskinny.com
Hi, Stopped by your blog to check out your recipes Ive heard about…Thanks for sharing : )
btw..I just pinned a recipe from Jocelyn at Inside BruCrew Life of some of her yummy Pumpkin treats she posted in Septemeber, and she created chocolate covered Pumpkin Twinkies..You should check them out! They look delish!
http://insidebrucrewlife.blogspot.com/2011/09/chocolate-covered-pumpkin-twinkies.html
Happy Thanksgiving!
So much for thinking I had an original idea!! Hers look AMAZING!!
Oh holy wow, Batman! Two of my favorite things together at last!!
I like you! That sums it up. I have only read this one post, but I’m hooked. The twinkles will happen this week!!
These are so awesome!!
There’s pumpkin. That’s a vegetable. That means they’re healthy and I can eat them for breakfast, right?
Pumpkin TWINKIES?!? Oh, Kristan! You know the way to my heart. I’ll take seven. Think we could make these *instead* of cookies in 2 weeks?!? ;)
Love the shirt….I see a Cookbook Queen sassy t-shirt empire starting!!!!
Awww yeah. These are freaking awesome looking!
LOVE the shirt! But i need it bigger – can you please make the design available for your more fluffy fans?
There are all sizes. If you click the size thing, a menu drops down :)
Oh I am terrible at being blunt! But to be blunt, I love these twinkies!
wow, those look good. And i too would love to be rude enough to say something like that.
I’m not even going to tell you about my experience with twinkies. It has to do with me being like 7 years old… and eating like a trillion twinkies… and then throwing up for like 3 days straight. And yeah, now I can’t even look at twinkies. But these?! They sort of make me want to live that nightmare all over again.
Oh I can NOT wait to hang with you in the flesh. *hug*
Gasp, homemade Twinkies, and pumpkin no less! A new Thanksgiving tradition. Just posted on EdibleCrafts (along with your twilight shooters). :)
I’m no good at being blunt either … and I kind of hate it. But I also hate being mean :( – - ohhh the trials of life. These twinkies though … they are MAGNIFICENT.
I could totally see myself, making these and giving them to someone after being a little mean to them :$ (win – win situation???)
The shirt is great! Best wishes with the t-shirt business.
The pumpkin twinkies…fantastic!
Love, love, love the t-shirt. I use passive aggressive techniques more often that I would like to admit. The pumkin twinkies look devine!! Definitely have to give those a try. Thanks for another great post. You are always super entertaining!!
Ok I’ve never eaten a Twinkie *gasp* but they just aren’t as popular up here. I totally want a Twinkie pan now though instead of my shirt saying super important stuff it would read thinking of ways to fill my Twinkie pan.
I LOVE pumpkin! These look so yummy! :)
Hey girl!!! After seeing a huge surge in people hitting my blog today I had to see why!!!! You are awesome for including my pumpkin twinkies in your post!!! Thank you so much!!! Yours look amazing too:-)
Happy to do it, girl!! Loved your post :) Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!! xoxo
Your blog always makes me smile! I heart sarcasm!
Yummy!! I also get sucked in to conversations with people who offer me crazy advice and go on forever and ever and ever and ever…if you ever figure out how to get out of those situations, please share. Until then, I’ll take a shirt please!
LOVE that T-Shirt…..I know exactly how you feel. I thought for a second, abt the twinkies, first it was EWWW…then stopped in my tracks, MMMMMMM….those would be perfect for after a huge turkey dinner. Where everyone could just grab one or two to snack on. THANKS a MILLION!
Hee! I love that shirt! Trying to figure out if I could get away with wearing this at work–haha!
Oh, these look fabulous. I’m making them as soon as I can figure out where to buy a Twinkie pan!
You’re hilarious; I found myself laughing through out your post and…you’re right on sista with your very shrewd statements! Love the shirt, by the way. :)
I came over here from… I don’t know. Maybe Edible Crafts?
Anyway, I’m not leaving.
These twinkies look fantastic.
My two bits? Do not disturb signs work 25% of the time, and you’ve pretty much pin pointed why I LOVE U-scan machines. Self check-out is this annoyed person’s ~dream~. Why don’t all stores switch?
I’m going to need one of those shirts, and about a billion of those twinkies. And then probably a bigger shirt. Worth it.
BRILLIANT on both accounts. When will the shirts be ready to purchase?
And the twinkies for that matter…..I’m not good at filling things, except my mouth!!
hysterical as always. your posts always make my day.
All I can say is when you do tell someone what you really think of them/their advice, you end up not feeling good, because that’s just not who you are.
just saw these on pinterest. REPINNED!
And I never knew there was a twinkie mold..now, I HAVE to have one.
these look insanely good!