Sometimes I think my life would be easier if I was better at being rude.
Like, when people give me annoying opinions I didn’t ask for, how awesome would it be to just say “uh yeah…don’t remember asking so just shut your pie hole, mmmkay?”.
Oh. Em. Gee. LIBERATING.
But alas, I am the type of person who, after saying such a thing, would go home, read my Bible for like two hours, then force my husband to remind me of every nice thing I’ve ever done in the history of the Earth. And then cry and eat candy.
Guilt just eats me alive. It’s like a sickness.
Anyways. It’s this guilt and inability to be blunt that landed me smack in the middle of a conversation about what I was going to buy my husband for Christmas with a cashier at a certain clothing store with weekly specials and obnoxious commercials.
(Incidentally, I was not there to buy Christmas gifts. I was buying pajamas for my kid. Because in the winter, cute snuggly pajamas on little ones make my heart melt)
Somehow, this conversation started with me giving polite nonspecific answers (oh no…no Black Friday for me!! Just got the husband left and I’m done buying…) to her regaling me with tales of her parent’s gift exchanges over the years, and advising me on purchases for a man she’s never even SEEN, all the while I nodded somberly and occasionally threw in the “WOW…good idea….” “Oh yes, definitely doing that!!”.
There are at least ten people in this town who now believe that I have decided on doing away with spousal gifts this year and instead will be putting our money towards home repairs.
AND WE’RE RENTING.
Obviously, something needs to happen. And seeing as how I’m basically a world famous inventor, I have come up with the Passive Agressive’s Solution to Idle Chit Chat:
I’m thinking, Do Not Disturb signs work at hotels, why not at other places? Surely hotels do not exist in some type of time/space continuum where then and only then can people respect one’s desire for peace and privacy. I say, let’s take Do Not Disturb ALL OVER THE LAND!!
It’s basically my best creation ever, and I’m expecting to get rich at any moment. I’ve already enrolled in a fancy words school so I’ll know how to talk when I start hangin’ with all my new rich friends. I’ve also ordered several silk scarves. You can’t be rich and not own silk scarves.
Anyways, I put a lot of time and energy (about 18 minutes) into creating that shirt, and it’s a guarantee that you won’t be bothered. I mean, would you approach someone wearing it? What I’m trying to say is, you’re welcome.
In other news, I also invented something else really cool–Pumpkin Twinkies. They might even be a better invention than the shirt, except I think that Pumpkin Twinkies probably ATTRACT people instead of repel them. So be careful where you take these babies, okay? They’re delicious.
1 box yellow cake mix
1 can of pumpkin (15 oz)
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup water
1/2 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
Preheat oven to350. Lightly spray a Twinkie Pan with nonstick spray. (You could also use a cupcake or mini cupcake pan, just adjust your baking time)
In the bowl of a mixer, beat the cake mix, pumpkin, eggs, sugar, water and pumpkin pie spice on medium low speed for one minute. Increase speed to high and beat for another minute.
Fill Twinkie molds about halfway with batter. Bake for about 15 minutes or until tops spring back when lightly touched. Remove from oven and let cool slightly before removing Twinkies to finish cooling on racks. Once cakes are completely cool, fill.
1 cup marshmallow creme (or fluff)
8 oz block of cream cheese, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup powdered sugar
In the bowl of a mixer, beat mm creme, cream cheese, and vanilla until smooth. Add powdered sugar and beat on low until just mixed in. Scrape sides of bowl and increase speed to high. Beat for another minute. Fill a piping bag fitted with a round tip with filling. Push into bottom of Twinkies and fill in three spots.
You can leave these plain, coat in melted butter and cinnamon sugar, or do what I did and spread some melted white chocolate over the top and sprinkle with cinnamon sugar before set.
The cake is so good…spongy just like a Twinkie, with hint of pumpkin and spice. Make them soon!!
**You can buy a Twinkie Pan (with a piping tool included) HERE.
(BTW–several people have asked, and yes–you really can buy that shirt. Just click the title under the photo and it will take you to my Cafe Press shop–thanks Shelly for opening up that whole world to me!!)
Have a fabulous Monday!! Thanks for reading.
***I just found out from a sweet reader that Joceyln from inside BruCrew Life created Chocolate Covered Pumpkin Twinkies awhile back, and they look AMAZING!! Be sure to click over and check them out.