So, I’m thinking about petitioning Facebook to enable a feature called Virtual Citizen’s Arrest.
Partly because I’ve always wanted to do a Citizen’s Arrest but since I’m fairly petite and have weak wrists, I avoid any confrontation that has potential to get physical.
And if you were wondering, YES that’s just a fancy way of saying I AM A SCARDEY CAT.
Of course, I can’t get the bosses of Facebook’s attention alone. And in order to have your full support on this matter, I am going to lay out just a few of the scenarios where I would invoke my power as Virtual Citizen’s Arrester.
I think you will find that this is a situation that will not only benefit you and I, but all of humankind.
1. Status Shuffle
Seriously? This is the real life equivalent of that weird guy who responds to conversation by repeating Napoleon Dynamite dialogue. Sometimes, we just can’t think of clever stuff to say. And that’s okay. But choosing from a huge database of funny (not really) sayings and then publicly ADMITTING that said status was pulled from a database is just not okay.
2. Passive Aggressive Rants
We all see that one person in our stream who is OBVIOUSLY very angry at someone and chooses to anonymously address them in their Facebook status. The only problem with that…is me. Because I will read that, assume they are talking about me, and obsess over it all day long. I won’t eat, won’t drink my nightly wine, and the whole balance of the universe will be thrown off kilter as a result.
3. Holding “Like” Hostages
As a blogger, I see this more than I’d like. Some fan page will pop up on another fan page and leave a comment saying “I just liked your page!! Now come on over and return the favor!!”
Now, we all want to promote our page and get tons o’ Facebook likers. That goes without saying. And a friendly “Just popping over from X to say hi!! New liker!!” is just fine. But to straight up tell someone that you liked them and use that as leverage to demand the same? I just can’t help but conjure up images of said liker behind a big desk, wearing loafers with no socks, a pinky ring, and twirling their mustache. You are not the BOSS OF MY LIKES. I will not be afraid!!
Okay, obviously these are just a few examples of things I plan on permanently elminating as Official Citizen’s Arrester of Facebook. So if you don’t mind, please contact Mark Zuckerberg and request that he awards me this position as soon as possible.
Also, would you please not tell him what I said about the weird Napoleon Dynamite repeating guy? I’ve seen The Social Network like three times now and I can see with a good degree of certainty that Mark probably does that too.
Just in case you need additional bribing, I came prepared. These Turtle Pies are super easy to make, cute as can be, yummy, cold, and refreshing. I covered all the bases!
(click here for printable recipe)
INGREDIENTS
12 (8 oz) wide mouth canning jars, like Mason or Ball (you need canning jars because they can stand up to baking/freezing and not crack)
Crust:
2 cups graham cracker crumbs (you’ll need about 15 whole sheets)
8 Tablespoons butter, melted
1/4 cup sugar
Preheat oven to 350. In a medium bowl, combine cracker crumbs, butter and sugar. Press a few spoonfuls into each jar, going up the sides a bit. Place jars on a baking sheet and bake for 6 minutes. Remove from oven and allow to cool completely.
Filling:
8 oz block of cream cheese, softened
7 oz (half a 14 oz can) sweetened condensed milk
8 oz tub of Cool Whip, thawed
Small jar hot fudge ice cream topping
Small jar caramel ice cream topping
About a cup of chopped pecans
In the bowl of a mixer, beat cream cheese and sweetened condensed milk until smooth and combined. Fold in Cool Whip.
Heat ice cream toppings until pourable, but not super hot.
Spoon a large spoonful in each jar and spread to cover bottom of crust. Spoon a bit of caramel sauce over the top and sprinkle with pecans. Repeat layers, using hot fudge instead. Place lids on the pies and place them in the freezer for several hours or overnight.
Let thaw at room temperature for about 20 minutes before serving. Top with whipped cream and additional sauce if desired.
This recipe is super flexible. You can use different sauce, nuts, whatever. And it will stay good in the freezer for a few days, so it’s perfect for preparing in advance.
Have a fabulous Wednesday!!
OK, First – you need a button and a badge for that NOW. AMAZING. Also How awesome would it be if there was a little button next to the like button that said VCA, and only you could push it, and the post would get all red after with a line through it (like a no smoking sign). DENIED. Yes, I think I will tell MZ about all this :)
You. Are. Genius.
My mouth literally watered as I read this recipe.
OMG! So rich and fab!
Fabulous as always, I want 2 of these right now!
These little jars of goodness are just amazing! I want one (or maybe three) now! I will grant you anything you want if you can help with those FB annoyances!! Good thing Mark and I are like This! Expect a phone call by morning!
Yes! I honestly believe the best feature facebook has is the block posts by…I want to awkwardly wave across the street at Zuckerberg for that one (I don’t think he’s really the hugging type).
This dessert has me drooling!
I would like to dive right into one of these. Now, please.
Hahahah that is so true on all accounts! This looks amazing, and even better because you put it in a jar:-)
Um , these look AMAZING! I and FEEL the inches developing around my waist just thinking about them.
Where did you get those cute jars?! Love them! This is the perfect thing to make for such a hot day!
I’m SO loving the turtle pie in a jar!
You have totally summed up my FB experience. Especially #3!! I’m all for the VCA button!
Let me just say that you are my hero–you are always hysterical and your desserts are awesome! Every post you write makes me laugh so hard–I love it!
Awesome! I’ve always wanted a villain in my life that wears loafers with no socks and twirls his mustache! Who knew that he was out there holding all my facebooks likes!!
I feel like my life is finally complete :)
AANNNDDD the little pies are delicious..my new favorite combo is cool whip and cream cheese..throw sweetened condensed milk into the mix is like life coming full circle.
Those are fab fab fab! And the public ranting. I don’t know anyone who does that. Nope. No one. Not me.
I’ve never heard of that status shuffle thing. It’s like hitting repeat I suppose.
You have my vote! I really hate #2!! I’m still a little bitter about something that was said last year via Facebook to some anonymous person that was obviously not me…lame! I love love LOVE these adorable pies! I think I need to go get me some jars….right now! SO CUTE!!
I am still new to Facebook but I agree with all the annoyances you mentioned. Thankfully these Frozen Turtle Pies will make me forget all that!
On principle, I refuse to like someone back when they request it like that. That also goes for blog comments…don’t come to my blog and say, “Great recipe, I’m a new follower. Could you please follow back?” Especially when the post isn’t a recipe.
Yum! These look sooo good! I also bought some of those jars and have gotten so many compliments on them, they are totally adorable. Can’t wait to make these in them!
Amen to all that – plus pie!
I’m with you on all three reasons for arrest, but I do kind of enjoy the passive aggressive rants. My only problem with them is that I always find myself obsessing about the details. I want to know the full story, but it would probably be rude to message them and ask. So frustrating.
LOL – Great post. The pie itself is incredible….but I agree with the facebook thingy…sometimes too much information is just too much. A little discretion goes a LONG way!
You’ve been doing lots of jar things lately. I’m really tempted to maybe doing something like this for a bridal shower I’m throwing next week…hmmm….As far as the obsessing over passive aggressive remarks, I am so with you. Well, I’m with you on all of your Facebook points here, but that one made me laugh–to see it out in the open like that and put in such a comical light! :)
These little jars are adorable! I have to get some and make these for my next get together – or maybe just because! Thanks for sharing – although now I am craving them!
Somebody get me a spoon!
I’m right with you on #3!
I shouldn’t be reading this at bedtime. Now I am craving something sweet-like this pie! YUM!
These look dangerously deeeeelicious!
you are hilarious ! i love the turtle idea ….very creative
I think you need to file this in a Classic Kristan folder, where all your best posts lie. This was totally hysterical, and it made me drool. Perfect!
Nancy I’m a total recipe follower and do u put hot fudge first then caramel then cream cheese mixture then do it again? Sorry I’m confused but want to make this asap sounds wonderful
Do you think I could use anything in place of the cool whip? Not a huge cool whip fan. Could I whip up whipping cream and use? But would it freeze properly??
Okay, 1) I just seriously laughed for 5 minutes straight. Fortunately, my cat is the only one here, and I think he already knows I’m weird so I don’t care. 2) I cannot STAND the passive-aggressive ranters! I am also the person who obsesses over it thinking it’s me and then later I find out it’s not and then I’m all needy and it’s awkward. Gah. And, 3) I think your posts containing cute things in mason jars is going to become a new addiction!!
I am so with you! And the Frozen Turtle Pie was a bonus!
These are so cute — and delicious too, I’m sure. I love the idea of using individual jars. Can’t wait to try this!
These look so cute AND delicious!
Your photo of this frozen turtle pie is absolutely jaw-dropping!
Yum!!
Looks like i will not use any glass in this receipt. To much things to wash, and beside that – am eating it right away!
To add to your facebook rants, I also think you’ll have to arrest people who make general statements like “just got great news” or “I’m so sad, I can’t believe that just happened” or “You won’t believe what just happened to me.” A.) because I desperately want to know what good/bad/amazing thing happened and B.) because it ticks me off that they just want people to ask!
Oh, and these pies look amazing, I think they will be dessert for the first football game of the preseason!
This is a great idea. Cant wait to try it. I also love the little jello aquariums. Your ideas are all so wonderfully unique, creative, a yet so very easy! Thanks so much for sharing! =)
I LOVE these desserts in a jar idea. :)
Love this idea! Can’t wait to make it.