Staying home alone all day is scary.
I worry pretty much every day that someone is going to bust in and try to kidnap me while my son is at school and my husband is at work.
I make sure my doors are locked.
I keep my cell phone on me at all times.
But recently I’ve decided to take a more proactive approach to defending myself and my home. I mean, why be a sitting duck?
A few ideas (feel free to use them if you’re scared too):
1. Scatter Micro Machines in the area around my front door. If Micro Machines are unavailable, use Legos and hope that my would-be captor is barefoot. Bonus–I can send my son outside to play with them when he gets bored.
2. Smear an axe with fake blood and lodge it in the side of my mailbox. Is there anything more menacing than a bloody axe? Bonus–this will do double duty, serving as a warning to my mailman that I want my magazines free of rips, tears, and scuffs…and hold the junk mail.
3. Any time there is a knock at the door, respond by yelling “Hang on…just finishing up sharpening my machete!! Be there in a sec!! Say…could you take a look at my pet Cobra? He’s been acting moody lately…” Bonus–those Kirby vacuum salespeople will never try to take a peek at my floors again. Short demonstration? I think not.
4. Litter my yard with rusted cars, spare tires, and broken appliances. Pretty sure no one kidnaps piles-of-rusty-junk-in-the -front-yard people. Bonus–possibly being featured on the show Hoarders, instantly skyrocketing me to fame.
5. Arm myself with a wearable alarm. You know those car alarms that start blaring as soon as you bump into the car? Sort of like that, only for humans. Wait–did I just invent something awesome? Bonus–I think I just invented something awesome and I’m probably about to be rich.
I realize that I’m probably saving your life with all my anti-getting-kindnapped ideas, but it’s really no big deal.
And because I’m such a nice person, I’m not going to stop at saving your life. I’m also going to share an awesome St. Patrick’s Day treat idea.
Yay!! You’ll be the cool lady who makes awesome treats AND you’ll stay safe and unkidnapped!!
**adapted from The King Arthur Flour Baking Companion
1 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar
3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) butter, softenend
1 large egg
1 tablespoon water
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup Dutch-process cocoa powder (I used Hershey Special Dark cocoa powder)
1/2 envelope (1 teaspoon plus heaping 1/4 teaspoon) unflavored gelatin
2 tablespoons cold water
1/2 cup shortening
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon mint extract
2 1/2 cups powdered sugar
Green food coloring
Preheat oven to 325. Line baking sheets with parchment paper.
In the bowl of a stand mixer, cream together the sugar and butter. Add the egg, water and vanilla and beat until smooth. Beat in the flour and cocoa until well combined; the dough will be very stiff.
Roll the dough into 1 inch balls, about the size of a walnut. Place the balls on prepared baking sheets and flatten each to about 1/8 inch with the bottom of a glass dipped in sugar. I also cut my cookies with a round cutter after flattening to ensure that they would all be the same size, but this step is not necessary.
Using a very small heart cookie cutter, or a paring knife, cut shamrocks into half of the cookies.
Bake cookies for 18 minutes. If cookies begin to look too dark or you smell scorching chocolate, remove baking pans from oven immediately. Cool completely on a wire rack.
Soften the gelatin in a cup containing 2 tablespoons of cold water, then place the cup in a larger dish of hot water and leave it until the gelatin is completely dissolved and the liquid is transparent. Remove the gelatin from the hot water and let it cool until it’s room temperature but hasn’t begun to set.
In the bowl of an electric mixer, cream the shortening, then beat in the vanilla and mint extract. Add the powdered sugar, a little at a time, beating until mixture is creamy. Beat in the gelatin.If the mixture seems to dry, add a couple teaspoons of hot water and beat until it is the right consistency. Add green food coloring, a few drops at a time, until desired color is achieved.
Sandwich the cookies, placing a small ball of filling on top of a cookie, and flattening it with another cookie top.
If you want to make plain Oreos, just leave the tops uncut and omit the mint extract and green coloring.
Have a happy St. Patrick’s Day and thanks for stopping by!!