Okay, so I enjoy a good vampire show as much as the next person.
Twilight, True Blood, Anita Blake, whatever. If there is a book or movie about hot vampires, there is a strong likelihood I will be reading or watching with fascination.
But seriously. I really don’t understand women who like…want to be in a relationship with an ACTUAL vampire.
Helllloooo, that’s scary.
First of all, I don’t like blood. I mean…gross. I avoid my husband’s breath after a cup of coffee, I can’t imagine how I’d handle a good whiff of blood breath.
Sick-o. For real.
Also, vampires are cold. So who would I put my cold feet on at night? Not that I’d be able to sleep anyways, what with worrying about being drained of my blood as soon as I shut my eyes.
I mean, I can barely handle being married to a real human.
Sometimes after watching a particularly disturbing episode of Forensic Files or 48 Hours Mystery, I get really paranoid at my husband and I’m all “do you have a secret insurance policy on me,” and he’s all, “no,” and I’m all, “YOU DO AND YOU WANT TO MURDER ME TELL THE TRUTH AND BY THE WAY I TOTALLY HAVE A NOTE IN A SEALED ENVELOPE ADDRESSED TO THE POLICE, POINTING TO YOU AS MY KILLER SO YOU ARE GOING DOWN”.
Then he shakes his head and goes to bed, probably waiting on an apology but everyone knows that you don’t apologize to a murderer so whatever.
So yeah… a relationship with a vampire probably wouldn’t work for me.
Also, do you think vampires know how to text? Do they have a Facebook?
Pretty sure I never saw Edward Cullen checking his Facebook status.
How are you supposed to communicate or share your feelings if you can’t text or Facebook each other??
Are you supposed to actually sit down and TALK?! Clearly that would never work.
So…listen. Just face it. Humans and vampires are not meant to have relationships.
Just find yourself a nice human husband who you can accuse of wanting to murder you, stalk his Facebook profile, and blow up his phone with a steady stream of text messages.
That’s what I do, and I can assure you that it works just great.
Anyways, this cake was not MY birthday cake, but a cake I made for a dear friend of mine who LOVES Twilight.
Not just loves.
You can find the Tuxedo Cake recipe on THIS post. Tuxedo Cakes are super easy and look so elegant, they are one of my favorites when I want something quick and impressive.
Instead of using whipped cream, I just frosted this cake with white buttercream and let it chill for about an hour before I topped with the chocolate glaze. I added black gel food coloring to the glaze and topped with chess pieces I made using THIS mold and red and white candy melts.
Super easy, I swear.
Make this for the vampire lover in your life. Or yourself. Whatever.