Dear Nurse at My Doctor’s Office:
First off, please know that I realize you have a super important and sometimes not very fun job.
I mean, sick people and hurt people are two of my least favorite people to deal with, (I’m weird about germs and blood) so I really respect the fact that your day is full of both.
Plus, you manage to make scrubs look halfway cute, and that probably deserves an award of some sort.
I would like to take a moment to discuss one very important aspect of your job that I really don’t feel you are taking seriously enough.
The part where you weigh people.
Because if we are being honest, I was not too comfortable with the way you flipped that slidey thing on the top of the scale all willy nilly and fast-like. Considering the fact that you are writing my weight down on my very PERMANENT medical record, it should be taken with a bit more care and precision.
Also, I’m pretty sure that you made no deduction for my shoes, clothing, and extremely large purse.
Which contains not only a sizeable amount of change, but at least seven ink pens, four Tootsie Roll Pops, and twelve tubes of varying shades of pink lip gloss.
And in case you are unaware, lip gloss weighs a lot more than you think it would.
It’s the way they package it or something.
I’m hoping I’m mistaken, but I also sort of felt like I detected a hint of judgement in your eyes when you announced my weight to me. And just so you know, I totally realize that I’ve gained a few pounds lately, but that is only because I’ve been super busy. And sometimes when people are super busy they just grab, say, a handful of BBQ Pork Rinds and a few candy corn for dinner.
So really, my weight gain is only due to the fact that I’m such a hard worker.
Do you think you could go back and write that down on my chart? I’m thinking that the working part might cancel out a few of my pounds.
Anyways, another thing you need to take into consideration is that have a dessert blog. And sometimes I make stuff with lots of candy and caramel on it and then I have to try it so I can tell my readers if it was good or not.
I really did think about telling you that, but then I’d have to explain what a blog was and I’d feel all weird and awkward and I would probably end up apologizing but neither of us would really know why.
So basically, that’s it. I hope maybe I’ve inspired you to go back and make a few notations and adjustments, which is probably the right thing to do.
By my calculations, I’m pretty positive I weigh like 110 pounds. Which is WAY different than what you came up with, but you can just take my world for it.
Thanks a whole bunch,
Kristan (aka the lady with the swollen ankle and foot that was still squeezed into cute shoes)
These bars are very easy and are perfect for a fall get together. They have an oatmeal cookie base, and are topped with caramel, M&M’s and peanut butter chips. I used the fall M&M’s, but you could use any color.
And they are not fattening AT ALL.
Okay, maybe a tiny bit.
Whatever. I don’t like talking about calories.
**adapted from Taste of Home
(click here for printable recipe)
1/2 cup butter, softened
1 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups quick cooking oats
1 package (14 oz) caramels
3 Tablespoons water
1 1/2 cups M&M’s
1 cup peanut butter chips
3 oz white candy coating (or white chocolate)
Preheat oven to 350. Spray a 15x10x1 inch pan with nonstick spray.
In a large bowl, cream the butter and brown sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in the egg and vanilla. Combine the flour, baking soda and salt and mix into the creamed mixture. Stir in the oats.
Press the oat mixture into the greased pan. Bake for 10-15 minutes until golden brown. Cool completely on a wire rack.
In a microwave, melt the caramels with the water, stirring every minute or so. Once completely melted and smooth, pour and spread over the oatmeal crust. Sprinkle immediately with the M&M’s and peanut butter chips. Melt the white candy coating and drizzle over tops. Cut when candy coating is set.
These are an easy and impressive treat to throw together for a fall party or potluck.