Rule of Life #368: Just dropping by someone’s house completely unannounced is one of the worst things you can do as a human being.
I mean, doing something like that is just opening the door for people to be judged, humiliated, and majorly inconvenienced.
Because we all know that people who drop by when your house is a mess and say “oh….honestly, I don’t care…you should see MY house…” are totally lying.
They care, alright.
As soon as they excuse themselves to use your bathroom, they will be frantically texting any and all mortal enemies you may have to describe the current condition of your home.
And of course that will also happen to be the day that you ran out of toilet paper. So sitting next to the toilet, in a tidy stack, are leftover napkins from your child’s last birthday party.
Judgement City, I tell you.
So I advise that if anyone drops by your house, don’t even answer the door. Who cares if they think you’re rude? At least they won’t think you’re rude AND have a messy house.
I have a neighbor (and I use that term loosely because around here, anyone in a 3 mile vicinity qualifies as a neighbor) who is pretty much the King of Drop-Ins. This man is not married, which is totally not surprising because a wife would surely talk him out of such nonsense.
He has dropped in during dinner.
He has dropped in while I am trying to get my son ready for bed.
He has dropped in early on a Saturday morning.
And the very worst of all: He has dropped in during the season finale of the Bachelorette.
The evening had started out very promising. There I was in the recliner, my husband’s wool socks pulled up to my knees, a large glass of cheap white wine on ice on the end table, and a pile of Fruit Roll-Ups in my lap.
I pretty much knew that Ali (the Bachelorette) was going to pick the guy I didn’t like, but that was actually a good thing. I was already gearing up to yell at the television in a superior manor, telling her what a horrible choice she was making.
As I was shoving one of my empty Fruit Roll-Up wrappers in the crack between the arm and the seat of the recliner, my husband walked in with the King of Drop-Ins.
And he had brought a girlfriend.
A woman I had never seen in my life.
A woman who had never watched a single episode of the Bachelorette.
Of course, my evening was totally ruined. Because instead of continuing to shove my Fruit Roll-Up wrappers in the chair crack and yell at the TV, I had to be polite and friendly and answer a million zillion questions.
“Why does that guy sweat so much?”
“How can she think she’s found true love? She barely knows him.”
“Where’s your bathroom?”
Plus, this woman was drinking a beer in a beer cozy. That she brought WITH her.
And I was trying to be patient and hospitable but I kept looking at that beer cozy sitting on my coffee table and the uneaten pile of Fruit Roll-Ups in my lap, and my heart just hurt.
I didn’t deserve to be mentally assaulted in my own home like that.
And I realize that maybe you might think I’m a bit anti-social. But I’m really not.
It’s just that every now and then I prefer iced wine and Fruit Roll-Ups to human company.
I’m fine with that.
Another thing–when someone drops by very rudely and unannounced, do not, under any circumstances, offer them refreshments.
It just encourages them and rewards bad behavior.
So, I’m sharing this recipe I created under the terms that you are absolutely NOT to share these cookies with your own King (or Queen) of Drop-Ins.
They are super easy and really, really yummy. You will need:
Pumpkin Spice Hershey Kisses (about 30, unwrapped)
1 pouch Betty Crocker Sugar Cookie Mix
1/3 cup butter, softened
1 cup canned pumpkin
1/2 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
1/2 cup sugar and 2 teaspoons cinnamon, mixed
Preheat oven to 350.
Mix sugar cookie mix, butter, egg, pumpkin, and pumpkin pie spice with a mixer or by hand until well blended. Dough will be very soft. Cover and refrigerate for at least an hour.
I tried the dough after an hour, and after sitting in the refrigerator overnight. I preferred it after it had sat all night (firmer and less messy) but it’s really up to you.
Scoop the dough out with a small cookie scoop (or a tablespoon), roll into a ball, and roll in the cinnamon sugar. If your dough is less firm due to refrigerating it less, drop it in the cinnamon sugar before you shape it. The coating will keep it from sticking to your hands.
Place cookies on an ungreased cookie sheet and bake for about 10 minutes, or until bottoms are golden brown and centers are firm. Remove from oven and immediately press a Pumpkin Spice Kiss in the center of each.
(I know that Betty Crocker also has a Pumpkin Spice Cookie mix, and that would probably work well also. I just used what I had on hand)
These cookies are soft and pumpkin-ey, but have a crunchy cinnamon sugar coating. They are perfect for a Fall get together.
But not perfect for unannounced home intruders carrying beer cozies.