What to do when you live in the country and a strange man knocks on your door at 8 am.
1. Army crawl over to the nearest window and raise yourself just enough to peer over the window ledge. Do not, under any circumstances, move the curtains.
2. Once you have confirmed that not only is there a man you don’t know at your door, but that said man is carrying a backpack, panic. Hyperventilating would be appropriate, but only if you can do it quietly. This could quite possibly be a matter of life and death.
3. Army crawl to your phone and return to your post at the window. Call your husband and as quietly as possible, inform him that a killer is at your door.
4. Tell your husband that when this airs on 48 Hours Mystery, to be sure and give them that cute picture from when you were 25 and at the beach, not that one he took a few weeks ago where you look like you have a wrinkly neck.
5. When your husband assures you that this man is probably an encyclopedia salesman and not a killer, inform him that this is 2010, not 1985.
6. Assess the situation and determine that the man’s backpack is just the right size for carrying a Taser Gun, two butcher knives, a length of rope, and Season 3 of Home Improvement on DVD. Obviously he plans on torturing you before he goes through with his master plan.
7. Inform your husband that if he were independently wealthy, he would not be at work, but at home, defending your honor. Once again, he has failed you by not “being rich”.
8. Sobbing uncontrollably, ask, “Who kills people at 8 am anyways? *sob* It’s not a fair fight if I haven’t even had my Pop Tarts yet,”. Take a moment to reflect on your time here on earth.
9. Remind your husband that “seriously, if you give the TV people that wrinkly neck picture of me, I will soooo haunt you. And not in an awesome Patrick Swayze in Ghost way. Think The Ring. I will straight up find a well to crawl out of”.
10. Taking a brief respite from your pity party, peer out the window and notice that not only is the man no longer at the door, but his car is nowhere in sight. Tell your husband that ahem, you are going to grab your cast iron skillet and take it from here. No murdering encyclopedia salesmen is going to get the best of you. Abruptly hang up on him.
11. Jump for joy, grab a cupcake, and watch a couple episodes of Jersey Shore. After about an hour, call your husband and tell him all about how you whacked that killer in the head and sent him packing.
The above described incident is, of course, purely hypothetical.
Now that you’ve been schooled on how to defend yourself against murdering encyclopedia salesmen, you need a super easy cupcake recipe. Because the two just go hand in hand.
**from 101 Gourmet Cupcakes in 10 Minutes
1 box white cake mix (I always use Duncan Hines)
1 cup of your favorite root beer
1 recipe buttercream (here’s a link to my recipe)
1 teaspoon root beer extract
Preheat oven to 350. Line 24 muffin tins with paper liners.
Mix together root beer and cake mix (yes, just those two ingredients). Pour into paper liners and fill 3/4 full.
Bake for 15 to 18 minutes or until cake springs back when lightly touched. Remove from oven and allow to completely cool.
In a separate bowl, mix the buttercream frosting and root beer flavoring. Frost cooled cupcakes.
My little boy especially loved these cupcakes…the cake part is surprisingly good, but the frosting really makes them!
I’m linking these up over at Hoosier Homemade’s Cupcake Tuesday. Head over and check out the goodies and link up some of your own!