I’m recapping the hometown dates episode of The Bachelor with Nick Viall.
You guys — HOMETOWN DATES!!
Can we believe that Corinne actually made it all the way here?
No. No we cannot.
Listen, Nicholas. We can forgive you for keeping that trainwreck around for ratings. But this has GONE TOO FAR. You, sir, have desecrated the sanctimony of Bachelor hometown dates for the rest of time. The end.
After sending Christina home, Nick stopped by the house to give roses to Raven, Rachel, Corinne, and Vanessa. The next time they will be seeing each other is hometown dates, so he says goodbye and the girls prepare to head home.
The first hometown date goes to Raven. Nick meets Raven in Hoxie, Arkansas, where she picks him up on a 4-wheeler in the middle of a field. According to Raven, people in Hoxie do three things for fun — go mudding, frog gigging (spiking frogs out of the ground to cook and eat), or climb grain bins. Because yes, apparently Raven lives in the town from Footloose.
Raven drives Nick to a grain bin, where they climb the stairs just in time for the police to show up. As it turns out, the police officer is Raven’s brother, which is a good thing because Nick’s jeans were too tight for his pockets to hold any bail money.
The couple then go mudding in rice fields, making out and rolling around in stagnant water. And while this makes for a great scene, THIS IS NOT A THING IN ARKANSAS. Snakes, however, ARE A THING IN ARKANSAS. Rolling around in stagnant snake-infested field water? Basically the most unromantic thing in the world.
Nick and Raven then head to her parents house, where they find out that Raven’s dad is now cancer free. Raven spends teary moments with each of her parents – they all seem very down to earth and she obviously has a really close relationship with them.
Nick has a private conversation with Raven’s dad and while he doesn’t ask for permission to propose to her, he DOES ask if her dad would be okay with him proposing. Which I guess is the same thing, but somehow he made it seem a lot less committal. Which leads me to believe that Raven is not the one.
Of course, it is immediately following this that Raven decides that she’s ready to tell Nick that she’s in love with him. But then bails on it and tells him goodbye with no “I love you.” It’s for the best, girl. You’re not going to the end.
Next up is Rachel’s date in Dallas, Texas. Nick shows up in a button down and slacks, so I’m guessing there won’t be any field rolling. Also, we already know that Rachel is the next Bachelorette, so thanks for ruining this for ALL OF US, ABC.
Rachel brings Nick to her church — an incredibly large church that is only about a quarter full. I kind of wonder if this is a fake service set up for the show? I mean, what even are the odds of a service happening right as Nick arrives in Dallas? Yeah, no. FAKE CHURCH!!
The pastor takes a moment to speak to Nick, who looks incredibly uncomfortable. Nick and Rachel then head to brunch, where Nick finds out that due to work obligations, Rachel’s dad will not be meeting them later.
Or maybe he’s just not a fan of The Bachelor. Whatever.
Nick and Rachel head to her parents house where they meet her mom, sisters, cousin, brother-in-law, and nephew. They all sit down to big plates of brisket, macaroni, okra, beans, and spicy sausage, and don’t spend nearly enough time eating. Not that I was paying too much attention to the food or anything.
Nick spends a lot of time speaking with Rachel’s family members about how he will handle being in an interracial relationship. All I can think about is how badly I wish they all knew that Rachel is going to be in a bunch of interracial relationships by the end of the year. Hashtag thanks for the spoiler, ABC.
Nick goes home with a blessing from the family. Not that he needs it, as we all found out when ABC decided to RUIN OUR LIVES.
Next is Corinne’s date in her hometown of Miami, Florida. And of course, they meet at…an upscale mall, where Nick quickly finds out that Corinne is on a first-name basis with the salespeople in every overpriced store. This obviously will not work out, since Nick’s pants are too tight to fit any money in the pockets.
What proceeded was an elaborate game of dress-up, where Corinne attempted to buy Nick’s love in the form of skinny jeans and deep v-neck shirts. But all I can think about is whether or not Nick will return the clothes when they break up.
After shopping, the couple heads to lunch where Corinne tells Nick that she loves him. And I want to believe her, but I’m really not sure that Corinne can love anyone other than herself. I mean, really.
Nick and Corinne head to her parent’s condo, which is classic Miami — lots of gold, mirrors, and leopard prints. Finally, we meet Raquel, who, before JOINING the family for the meal, SERVES the family their meal. So basically, Raquel takes care of all of the grown-ups who are too lazy to take care of themselves.
Corinne’s father then begins forcing everyone at the table to eat giant olives, which even from my olive-loving perspective…was awkward.
Corinne spends some time talking privately with her dad, who is worried that Nick can’t make enough money to sustain Corinne’s shopping habits. I have to say that Nick probably shares the same concerns. And so does all of America. Corinne’s dad then forces Nick to drink single malt scotch while he watches him, and gives him his blessing to propose to his daughter.
Can I just say, people who make other people try foods and drinks while they stare at them are like my least favorite ever? Don’t DO that! It’s makes everyone feel weird!
Corinne tells Nick that she loves him and gives him a kiss goodbye.
Last, Nick meets Vanessa in Montreal. The weather is raining, but GOSH Montreal is still gorgeous. Can we all plan a field trip to Montreal, please?
First on the agenda is a visit to Vanessa’s school, where Nick gets to meet her students. It’s obvious that they love her — everyone was crying and it says a lot about the kind of teacher she is. After spending time working on scrapbooks, Vanessa takes Nick to meet her mom’s side of the family — her parents are divorced and don’t get along, so she will be splitting the visit.
Nick and Vanessa show up at her mom’s house, where they sit down to a very large Italian meal. After barely eating (why don’t they EAT), Nick spent some time with Vanessa’s mom and sister. It’s obvious that they are both incredibly protective of Vanessa, but the conversations went relatively well. Details on where Nick and Vanessa would live or what she would do about her job are vague — neither seems to have thought about it that much.
Overall, this was a much more emotional home visit than the other three — things were much more serious. Nick and Vanessa then headed to her dad’s house for the remainder of the date.
The vibe at Vanessa’s dads house is much different — instead of a large crowd, it’s just him and his wife (girlfriend?). Vanessa’s dad pulls Nick aside to chat almost IMMEDIATELY. The conversation was abrupt and unnatural — Nick attempted to ask for Vanessa’s hand in marriage and her dad wasn’t particularly thrilled. He DID, however, eventually give his blessing.
Before leaving for the evening, Vanessa talks privately with her father, who reveals that he gave Nick his blessing…and so did 3 other dads. Naturally, this leaves Vanessa feeling confused. IS NICK GOING TO PROPOSE TO ALL OF THEM BECAUSE THAT JUST MIGHT SALVAGE THIS SNOOZE OF A SEASON.
Nick and Vanessa kiss and say goodbye.
The next scene shows the group back at their hotel, getting ready for the rose ceremony. As Nick gets dressed and puts on his watch, there is a knock at his door. And he answers it to find Andi Dorfman on the other side.
I’m really hoping he tells her not to write any more books. That mess was terrible.
The episode ends without a rose ceremony, leaving us waiting for another week to see who makes the cut. I’ll be watching!!